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More than Sex: Jake

February 18, 2011

Jake is 40, Single, never married, no kids. He works in hospital administration. We also have sex from time to time. Even though we aren’t in a relationship he still manages to make it special every time we are ‘together.’ However, I don’t think he believes in love in the same way I do  — otherwise he would have fallen in love with me by now.

What makes a man decide he wants more from a woman than just sex? Or domestic favors?

Jake: Be more specific…are you asking me advice on a guy?…Is that why you have fallen off the planet…!

Me: Fallen off the planet? I’m still here. You’d know that if you tried to find me. And I’m asking about men in general although this is prompted by specific guys.

Jake: How about I come over…you cook me dinner we’ll have sweaty sex, then talk about it…

Me: That does sound nice. Except for the part about me cooking. Have you seen my kitchen? Tiny.

Jake: I am being silly…I can say it is easier to be around for the that stuff…the other…involves work! The adventure is lost for me…!

Me: You aren’t intrigued by the idea of really knowing someone?

Jake: Oh yes…for as long as there is fire!!

Me: Well I’m having a little dilemma surrounding sex right now. It’s the only thing any guy seems to want from me and they are everywhere.

Jake: Well…because guys want sex!! Women want sex…but they approach it different. Most guys aren’t healthy about it, and sometimes it is hard to have a healthy perspective on sex. You as a woman have more control, but you also lose more…

Me: I just have a lot more to me than just my vagina and I would think that were obvious and attractive. I would think a person would want that more and not just sex?

Jake: Of course you do…you are an amazing talent…you have great perspective and you’re nice. You have to make people see that…you have to ask for what you want from life! I cannot have passion if I don’t feel drawn…

Me: I have to ask for what I want? Who do I ask and how?

Jake: Any guy who is interested in your “wares”…Make people respect you…we all want sex…we (men) don’t have to be such turds about it. Having the opportunity to share that is a gift and that is often forgotten…

Me: Now you’re just trying to get me to have sex with you. J/K I appreciate your perspective. I’ll work on making people respect me.

Jake: Starts with yourself ;)

Me: Yeah, I like myself quite a bit. I might be okay there.

Jake: Well…I also like you quite a bit…

Me: Thank you. Seriously. And thank you for always allowing our encounters to be meaningful.

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8 Comments leave one →
  1. February 18, 2011 4:36 pm

    Crystal believe me, a sex hungry man doesn’t care about what the woman even looks like. People even abuse animals and children.And there are a lot of sex hungry men out there nobody wants to be with. Therefore, most of such folks will be focused on just getting laid.
    Secondly too many men want to screw as many women they can get their hands on(call them mavericks), I mean its just nature. Its not about appetite or need , its sort of a greed or meanness.
    Those who get committed to a relationship(both men and women) have it in their nature, and mavericks on the other hand have different kind of ideas programmed in their nature.
    My conclusion:
    1. Its a woman’s own problem to distinguish between mere “users” and real people. Complaining won’t do any good.
    2. You’re a commitment man/woman you’ll seek one and maybe find one. If you are a maverick you won’t bother thinking about being a “paper towel” and keep going.
    3. Whenever in your life you realize that just getting laid does not satisfy you completely, and you need commitment tell all of mavericks to GTFO, close the doors on them and put a huge “Right of admission reserved” sign on the street. :)
    BTW: I write a blog in Urdu, I’m also an Urdu poet, started an English blog about general issues but could not give it enough time.

    • February 18, 2011 4:45 pm

      So you’re saying that if I want to read your stuff I’ll need to learn Urdu? Blast!

      Thank you, Naeem, as always, for your feedback. And I don’t think I’m a maverick. And I’m certainly not a paper towel. ;)

  2. Jeremy Geerdes permalink
    February 18, 2011 7:46 pm

    Jake has a very good point. You must respect yourself to demand that men treat you like more than a means to satisfy their appetite for sex. You are far more than a hamburger. Think of yourself that way and demand more from men than casual sexual encounters whenever they’re hungry.

    • February 18, 2011 8:42 pm

      Thank you, Jeremy. I appreciate you reading, I appreciate you commenting and I really appreciate your big-brotherly concern. I really do. So, I want you to know that just because I find myself in the position of having sex offered to me pretty regularly does not mean that I say yes or make myself available for that. In fact, I have been turning it all down for quite a while. I just find myself perplexed by the offers — especially, as I said, because I think it is obvious that (no matter how sexy or sexual a person may think I am) there is so much more to me. Humor, joy, affection, companionship…you know, all that good stuff. But guys don’t want that stuff — at least not from me. They just want sex. Or they want nothing. Perplexing.

  3. Roxy permalink
    February 28, 2011 5:49 pm

    I like this guy.

  4. March 11, 2011 1:37 pm

    Dear Author,
    Don’t think of it as you being wanted only for sex and not appreciated for who you are as a person, think of it as you are getting what you need sexually until you find the guy in which the two of you fall head over heels in love with…eachother, IF you believe in that love at first site thing like I do and have experienced twice in my life.

    • March 11, 2011 2:33 pm

      Well, first of all, thank you for the greeting. I very rarely get a “dear” anything on here and I needed it today. I appreciate your perspective and I have/had a similar one. I guess the easiest way to explain it is that my needs have changed lately. I still have sexual needs, but what used to feel like sexual desire now feels like a desire for companionship and a relationship. However, you make an excellent point.

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