Not This Year…A New Dream to Work on
Who is sick of reading about relationships?
So on a non-relationship note, I have some big news about Grad school.
You may have read on my blog about my rejection from Kansas experience. Well, I got the last three decision letters last week. One in the mail on Wednesday and then one via e-mail Friday afternoon. The final letter came in the mail Friday night. And…
I’m not going to grad school this year.
I didn’t have harsh or immediate reactions to any of these letters like I did to the letter from Kansas. Maybe I just got all my personal pain about the idea of rejection out that day. Heck, maybe my severe reaction to the Kansas letter was just because I had some sympathetic ladies (LOVE YOU Jewel and Dee) around when I found out and knowing I had support triggered some of the tears.
But this time I wasn’t sad at all. Maybe because the letters were nicer than the one from Kansas. The from Iowa said, for example, said that over one thousand people applied for 25 spots (that’s a less than .25% chance of getting accepted BTW). The one from Minneapolis said they had to turn away a lot of ”promising applicants.” And, I know I did my best.
Anyway, when I read the letters, I just sort of thought, “Okay, not this year.” Maybe it wasn’t sad because the Plus, I already had some ideas brewing that I would not have been able to pursue if I had gone to grad school this year. So, now I’m thinking I should work on those ideas. (More on that in a bit.)
Besides, who wants to who wants to pack and move really? Not me — I honestly love my apartment (when it’s clean). So now I will renew my efforts to make it as homey as possible (i.e. keep it clean). And I like the town I live in too. Although there are some things I’d like to change about it.
Anyway, I wasn’t really emotional about it — and my thoughts were really positive too — but for some reason I had a few crying bursts after I read the last letter. It was totally bizarre — I mean to be crying uncontrollably (even just for 30 seconds) when I wasn’t really sad. That’s a new one for me. Very STRANGE. Well I still don’t know why I was crying, but as I sat on my couch — rejection letter in hand — there were a couple of things going through my mind during those machine-gun-like tear bursts.
First, that I can no longer stand the idea of working at my current job, and that I have to get OUT of there ASAP. And the second thought was basically, “Now what?”
Well, it took about 15 seconds for my brain to file through the possibilities and land on an idea that several people have mentioned to me in the last year (and that I had written off because I have been planning on grad school for all that time).
Basically people would say, “why don’t you…” and I have said, “Well I’m planning on going to grad school in the fall.” When I realized that I stopped crying. The thing I had written off as impossible is now possible. Well, I haven’t cried about grad school since. I know it has only been like five days, but I can’ stop thinking about this new plan and I have a TON of ideas on it. Maybe several tons depending on how you measure the weight of an idea.
Like I wrote back in January, I feel really great about having simply applied to graduate school — that was a big accomplishment for me. I’m not great at following through on things or finishing them when the only person I have to answer to about them is myself. But this time I did it. Big step in Crystal-land. Personal growth moment for sure.
As far as the job thing that’s still an issue even with the new plan. I can always wait tables I guess. I picked up some job applications for that very thing on Monday night and I’m going to turn them in on Saturday afternoon.
I also have a few other things planned that I can look forward to. Like I might be teaching a class for the Black Hills Community Theatre this summer and I’m I can teach some community education classes in the fall and the lady who runs community ed is STOKED about me. And there’s also the book I’m writing. That’s another project that has been far more difficult than I thought it would be. (Getting people to commit to an hour for an interview is not so easy.)
As for the other big plan…well I’m not ready to tell the world what it is yet (partially because no one is allowed to tell me it’s a bad idea), but it will entail starting my own business. (That means being my own boss — YAY! And some other people’s bosses — eh.) I started writing the business plan on Friday night after I got off my couch. I’ve done some research on what is required and it’s intense. And I thought grad school applications were hard. Silly me. This is gonna be a doosey in comparison!
But I think I’m ready for the hard work.
I have a meeting with a mentor at the Small Business Development Center next week to help with the parts I am clueless about. I’ve also realized that I’m going to need some start up capital in order to make it happen — even if I can get a loan. And I don’t know how that is going to work out, but I’m moving forward anyway. Business plan…business plan…
So…that’s my story for now. And aside from answering the comments on this blog, I haven’t really been thinking about boys since Friday night when I started thinking about this.
I am so excited to create something new for my community that will be my very own. I even talked to a psychic about it on Sunday. Actually she talked to me about it and she knew what I was planning before I even told her. She said it’s what I’m meant to do. I guess we’ll see if that’s true. It definitely feels true.
Thank God I didn’t get into grad school, eh?