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My (Un)Adventurous Life

April 22, 2011

One pull-up can save your life.

It’s true. There’s evidence to the fact in almost every action movie ever made. Now, I’ve learned a lot from the movies over the past three decades, but I have to say, this simple truth may be the most important bit of info I have gleaned from the big, silver screen or the mighty, boob tube.

One pull-up can save your life.

Okay, I didn’t figure it out myself. My dad pointed it out to me, but I learned it all the same: one pull-up. Can you do one pull up?

I can’t.

At least, I assume I can’t. I haven’t tried in a LONG time. But lifting 185 pounds all at once strikes me as a feat beyond my personal athletic threshold at this point. I can do a handstand. But that’s not the same thing as pulling your body up over the edge of a cliff, or a moving train, or the precipice of the tallest building in Beijing.

So, if I were in an adventure movie, I guess I would die…eventually.

I’m pretty sure I would survive a firefight. My dad taught me how to shoot and I’ve played enough video games to know to get down and find cover — and always pick up any extra ammo and weapons. Also, take the weapons away from the downed bad guys — and if you want them dead, maybe shoot them one more time in the head for good measure. If you have time of course — the truth is you might have to just run away. And if you can, you probably should.

Not that I can run very fast. So if it comes down to a foot race, I would probably die then too…eventually.

I mean, if we are running away from zombies and I’m not surrounded I’ll probably be fine. I can outrun a dead person — easy. And hey, if I have a slashing weapon of some sort I think I would be fine to easily decapitate a few of those bad boys. Although, my sword-fighting skills are a little rusty. And my personal experience with swordplay is heavy on the stabbing weapon side rather than the slashing weapon side, but still …

Of course running around with a slashing weapon isn’t really a great idea for me. I fall down for no reason sometimes. And if I had a sword, well it’s possible that I could fall on it. Okay, it’s probable. But I guess that’s what scabbards are for, right? So I would need a slashing weapon and a scabbard in the case of a zombie apocalypse.

Good plan.

Of course if we are talking a foot chase with a normal person I might be done for – unless I can beat up the person who is eventually going to catch me. And as long as the other person doesn’t know kung fu or a super awesome martial art of some kind and we are evenly matched size-wise I think I can kick some tail in the hand-to hand combat realm. I mean I learned self-defense in girls’ gym class with all the other seventh-grade girls. And I remember almost all of it.

So yeah, I would probably live through half of the movie as long as the inciting incident to the adventure wasn’t me falling over the edge of something or required me to out run a bomb.

Okay, maybe I would live through a third of the movie.

Can you tell that I need some adventure? I want to climb a rock face, a tree, a beautiful man – I want to jump into a pool of clear blue water from the edge of a cliff. I want to hike through the jungle and find some ruins. I want to ride a bike through European streets all day. I want to go skiing in the Alps (okay I just want to be able to do that, I don’t know if I really want to do it.) I want to go rafting in rapids.

I want to live if a bad guy starts to chase me.

I want to be able to do a pull-up.

I want to LIVE!

(Yet another reason to quit my job – because it requires me to sit on my butt all day.)

What do you think would happen if I go to one of my local gyms and tell them that I need a trainer because I want to be ready for an adventure? No, I don’t have a specific adventure in mind. I mean I know I don’t want to be in an action movie type of adventure. Because then I’d probably be in mortal danger and I don’t like that idea too much. But I do want an adventure (maybe one where I get a rope and a harness if we’re on the edge of a cliff). So, what do you think, if I start preparing for adventure, it will come to me, right?

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23 Comments leave one →
  1. April 22, 2011 9:20 am

    Cute post. I can’t do a chin up if my life depended on it.

  2. April 22, 2011 1:06 pm

    I think the trainer at the local gym could be an adventure!
    Seriously though, pick a specific. Set a date. Book it or start saving towards it. Life is too short to wait for it to come to you… and if you have it to look forward to, you’ll have all that time in between to be excited about something.

    I enjoy your blog. Keep spinning. :)

    • April 22, 2011 3:05 pm

      Well I don’t know what I would pick for an adventure…I’ll have to give it some thought.

      • Tom permalink
        January 6, 2013 4:46 pm

        I would say just choose something, you can always go on another one once you are done.

        • January 28, 2013 11:32 am

          Good point. It’s actually looking like some of my friends and I will be heading to ComiCom in Denver this spring. I’m dorkily jazzed.

  3. April 22, 2011 3:55 pm

    I do like this post, except the first line “One pull-up can save your life,” stopped me. My aunt wears what is happily referred to as “pull ups” in the assisted living. My brain, therefore, went in a completely different direction. But it applies to my aunt as well.

  4. dave c permalink
    April 22, 2011 5:36 pm

    Last year, or maybe a year or two ago, my little brother goes, “Dude, I can do a pull-up.” and I was like “Duuuuuuude”.

  5. Tanya permalink
    April 22, 2011 6:34 pm

    I recently read an article in Bloomberg Businessweek about people stuck in boring white collar jobs that do these extreme races on weekends. (http://www.businessweek.com/magazine/content/10_36/b4193081915529.htm) Maybe something like that would satiate your need for adventure, and give you something specific to tell your trainer that you want to be able to do. :)

  6. April 23, 2011 12:53 am

    When we are young, we should have the courage to take the adventures :)

  7. April 25, 2011 9:57 am

    “I want to climb a rock face, a tree, a beautiful man”
    Oh, how this made me laugh!

    “What do you think would happen if I go to one of my local gyms and tell them that I need a trainer because I want to be ready for an adventure?”
    Some folks in San Diego actually offer zombie outbreak survival training, which sounds like it might be right up your alley! Assuming, of course, you have tons of money lying around for one-day trips to San Diego :)

    • April 25, 2011 10:11 am

      Zombie outbreak training — PERFECT! The truth is I don’t have tons of money lying around, but I will certainly put that on my list of things I’d love to do! Thank you so much for the suggestion. And thanks for reading. I checked out your blog too. A kid who puts plastic in the oven — even when there is a child-safe lock thingie — I think he will be capable of solving great and diabolical puzzles some day soon.

  8. April 25, 2011 11:45 am

    Hi Crystal –

    Jobs are over rated and when so many people say and act that they love their jobs, hah! Look into their eyes and observe their mannerisms…that will tell you that they really don’t. It’s the money or attention or having some place to go that they like, but for the job…most hate it.

    If you’re looking for adventure then you shall find exactly that. Make it happen. Have a nice Monday. :)

  9. April 26, 2011 3:45 pm

    I and your butt are very glad, good luck :)

  10. April 27, 2011 6:33 am

    I’ve been craving and adventure too, and I’m trying to figure out what exactly I want. One thing I wanted to do was go sky diving, but then Chef told me about how he would never go sky diving because you can literally die. Of course I knew that… but I never really thought of it that way. Then I Googled it (damn Google), and 35 people die a year skydiving. Seriously? I’m not sure I want to do an adventure that very well could kill me. But, it didn’t bother me so much when I didn’t know about it. Sigh…

    • April 27, 2011 8:40 am

      But how many people a year go skydiving? If it’s 100, then you have a 35% chance of dying. If it’s 1000 you have a 3.5% chance. 10,000 a .35% chance. You might want to do the research cause the truth is it might be safer than driving your car.

  11. Amanda C permalink
    May 3, 2011 1:05 pm

    This zombie apocalypse…

    are we talking about the meandering, drooling, mumbling zombies or the jump from rooftop to rooftop, cunning, organized, rip your face off kind? Because if it’s the former and I was on your team, we’d totally kick ass. If the latter, I’m fairly certain I’d recruit the Highlander with his sword-wielding skills. :)

    • May 3, 2011 3:17 pm

      I guess I was imagining a sort of mix of the two. While I see how “fast” zombies are very frightening I don’t buy it. I can’t imagine anything being quicker dead than it was alive. So, if I have a sword and I’m not one of the first to be bitten I think I will be fine. I totally had a dream a few days ago that zombies invaded my class reunion and Sky Seals and Jenny Posthumus and I were the only ones who made it out alive. The mirror ball came crashing down at the dance and the buffet table was toppled! That is what I call a panic at the disco.

  12. May 22, 2011 6:57 am

    big like! – thanks .

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