When the Universe Demands Action
Follow the signs…right? Or does the Universe really ever demand anything?
I believe in free-will. Always have. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe my intelligence is too limited for me to understand how the allusion that I’m making choices is really an illusion. So, I’ll stick with the idea isn’t an illusion at all and that I really can chose my own fates.
Of course, I still wish I didn’t have to.
I’m not so good at decisions. Maybe that’s why I’m always looking for signs. I want my dreams to mean something deep, important and obvious. I want the things I can’t control to be answers of some kind. The accidents, the random meetings, the weather!
For most of my life I have believed in a powerful creator-God that had the ability to (and cared enough to bother to) shape our lives and give us signs along the way so that we would be able to make the right choices. The choices that would be best for us. The choices He wanted us to make.
I don’t know what I think about that anymore. I spent a lot of time asking for answers, signs and direction and felt like I wasn’t getting any — despite my efforts to be receptive.
But, I have actually chosen a trajectory/career path based on what some might consider “signs.” People kept saying, “why doesn’t anyone do that,” or even more explicitly, “why don’t you do that?” And, well I started thinking, “someone should do that. Yeah, I should!”
And now I’m wondering about other things. Like, I detest my job and I want to quit but I’m too scared. Well, it’s getting to the point now that I’m afraid they might fire me. So, I guess I should have quit sooner.
And there’s this guy. He keeps popping up everywhere. I want to get to know him better but not much has come of it. But I keep seeing him EVERYWHERE. Is his emergence just a coincidence or is it a sign? Is the Universe just trying to give me a chance to ask him out? Or maybe it’s giving him a chance? At any rate I just saw him again and my first thought was, “What the Fuck?” (Then I thought, what are the odds in a town this size?)
If it is a sign I’m not getting the message.