You ‘think’ you’re low maintenance
“Ooh, Ingrid Bergman, now she’s low maintenance,” he says.
“Low maintenance?” she asks.
“An L.M. definitely,” he replies.
“What does that mean?”she asks.
“There are two kinds of women in the world, low maintenance and high maintenance,” he tells her.
“What kind am I?”
“You’re the worst kind. You’re high maintenance but you think you’re low maintenance,” he says.
“I don’t see that at all,” she says.
Of course she doesn’t see it. We H.M.’s rarely realize how high maintenance we are.
Personally, I know I’m an H.M. and I have no problem with it … well aside from the fact that most fellas think they want a gal who is low maintenance.
But that doesn’t bother me too much because, I may be high maintenance, but I am also high performance. I realized this about a year ago, after I broke up with my last boyfriend.
He was definitely an L.M., but he was low performance too. Like my car. It’s a cute little Eagle Summit and I don’t have to do much to it. I just fill it with gas now and then and clean it so that I don’t get dirty while it’s taking me around town.
He was basically the same way. I just had to cook him dinner now and then and help him dress occasionally — like in the rare instances that he had to wear a tie and needed it tied for him.
The thing is, who wants an Eagle Summit for a boyfriend?
Not me; I want the Batmobile!
Ah, the Batmobile. It seems like a nice dream at first — right, guys? But have you ever thought about how hard it is to keep the Batmobile running at peak performance?
Honestly, that’s probably what Alfred is always doing in the Batcave. (I hope that’s what he’s always doing in there, cause if he’s just hanging out in a cave that’s creepy.)
To be completely fair I was pretty happy with my low maintenance man. He was a good kisser and he looked good in the ties when I tied them for him.
Furthermore, I should tell you that he broke up with me. Yeah, he finally realized I was high maintenance (Sorry Chris).
I felt bad about being an H.M. for awhile. Until I started thinking about the Batmobile, and I realized something.
I’m the Batmobile! I’m a Cadillac! I’m a Dodge Viper! I’m a cherry-red ’78 GTO!
Now guys, would you treat a dream car like it was a beat up Olds? I think not! You would put tons of energy into that car!
So, is your woman an Olds or is she a Cadillac? I bet she’s a Caddy and I know she deserves to be treated like one.
I know I do. Because I’m a dream car and dream cars are high maintenance. But I am high performance too, so it’s okay.
It seems to me that guys don’t mind putting a lot of work into their vehicles in order to get the performance they desire, so why is it so hard to maintain a relationship in order to get high performance?
If men would think of women more the way they think of their cars relationships just might be easier.
I’d like to say, “You get what you give,” because to some extent I think it is true. But even if you treated my Eagle Summit like it was the Batmobile it’s never gonna sense danger or throw a net on an oncoming assailant.
So first you gotta make sure you’re working with the right model. But remember, no matter what you’ll have to put some work into it.