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Lucky timing, eh?

February 22, 2007
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So much of life is about timing — isn’t it? Too bad I have horrendus timing. Plus, I’ve noticed something about life’s timing. It’s not the type of thing you can control.

Like when you bake a cake, you can set the timer, and when it dings you’ve cooked it enough. That’s timing you can control.

Or when you get ready for work in the morning, you can estimate how long it takes you to take your shower, get dressed, brush your teeth, apply your make-up and drive to work. Because you know how long those things take, you can make sure that you’re at work and ready on time.

But I can’t seem to get to other places at the right time — like to life’s milestones. Graduation, marriage, motherhood…Maybe that means I’ll be lucky and be late for death too.

I sure couldn’t time college right. And that one kind of came with instructions. Pick a major, bake four years and DING, you’re done. But my degree wasn’t quite baked at the buzzer because I took it out of the oven half-way through.

And I really have bad timing with relationships. I mean I was ready to marry my high shool boyfriend. Talk about showing up to the party way to early. Luckily for me he knew it was the wrong time and broke up with me. He’s happily married now. Jerk!

But I keep doing things in the wrong order. Or doing certain things too fast while other things in my life are going too slowly. Or maybe it’s just that things outside of me move at uncontrollable rates. So, I’ve never really had lucky timing.

I know how long it takes for me to shower, and I know what time work starts. But I have no idea how long it’s going to take that guy to grow up. So I can’t show up on time because I don’t know when the relationship can start.

It’s not like I can know, “It’s going to take him 2 years to be ready to be in a serious relationship, and it’s going to take me 6 months of dating to fall completely in love with him, so we should start dating in a year and a half. And, since it’s going to take him a year to fall in love with me I’ll have to be around a lot in the six months before we start dating. That way, by the time that he’s ready to be serious with a girl like me we can be together. Plus, by then we’ll both be financially stable.”

Yeah I don’t really know when anything is going to be ripe.

Of course, life’s timing affects more than just relationships. It goofs up careers too. There is absolutely no way for me to know when the Rapid City Journal might have an opening for a section editor — which is the job I’d really like to have in this company. Furthermore, there is no way to know if I’ll really be ready to run a section by the time something opens up.

(I also have no idea what I need to do to prepare for such a position, but that’s not really about timing, now is it?)

I keep running into people with lucky timing and it’s making me insane. How do they know when things are going to be ripe? How do they know when to show up? How do they get everything cooked right before the buzzer goes off.

Is this good timing somehow bestowed upon them by a higher cosmic force? Or is it just some coincidental match up of life’s elements?

And furthermore, how can I get all the right things happening all at the right time?

Okay, so timing isn’t just about relationships, but most of my timing woes center around male-female interactions.

I keep running into guys who are technically my age, but not quite ready. And I don’t mean ready for marriage. I mean ready for life. I mean ready to date. If they aren’t emotionally immature or irresponsible they’re just immature.

How much longer are the fellas my age going to have to stay in the oven before they’re cooked all the way through? Cause I’ll just quit even considering dating if it’s gonna take all you guys another 2 years.

(Please, excuse the bitter portions of this outburst. As all of my married friends keep telling me the perfect guy is out there somewhere. I’m not sure how that’s supposed to make me feel better though. Why would a perfect guy want to date me?)

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