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Relational Equality

February 12, 2008
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I was recently doing a bit of that innocuous “getting to you you” questioning people do when they have only been on a few dates. In my attempt not to answer a fella’s question I actually let out a doosey that I thought would have scared him off. So, I thought I’d share the doosey with my blog buddies.

He asked me in an e-mail: What are you looking for in a guy?

My original reply: That’s such a complicated question. I think I could write a whole book about it. The simple answer though is I’m looking for my equal.

He didn’t seem to like or understand that answer because he asked in his next e-mail: What exactly do you mean by an equal?

So, here goes (I can feel a lot of mean comments coming already):

What I want in a man is an equal. And honestly, that’s why I’m still single. I can’t seem to find someone I consider to be my equal. (Maybe I have too high of an opinion of myself.) I mean I want him to be my equal for the MOST part.

In some ways I will need a guy to be my superior – especially if I stick to that whole spiritual leader instruction from the Bible. And let me tell you, once a lady has served as a youth pastor and taken theology classes this one is hard to find out there on the streets of Rapid City.

Likewise I will need to be his superior in some ways. For example I want to be the pretty one in the relationship. Which is why I no longer have designs on Justin Miller, Ryan Reynolds or Brad Pitt. Although Ryan wanted me so badly…

But, basically, I’m looking for a guy who is as smart as me, as funny as me, as attractive as me and as interesting as me. Does anyone pop into your head after reading that? Cause I’m not above fix-ups.

Of course, there’s more to the equal thing than that. I’m looking for a guy who will do an equal amount of work in the relationship and in our life – if I ever get married. I’m sick of getting sweet little gifts for guys who don’t care enough to do the same for me. I’m sick of rubbing a guy’s shoulders for an hour and never getting a massage in return. I’m sick of arranging dates just to have my boyfriends show up late.

Plus, I am sure as heck not gonna cook for a guy if he isn’t going to do the dishes. I’ll wash the laundry if he’ll fold it… and other such equality things. If I have a job when I’m married (and my husband does too) I will expect and demand that he do half of the housework. (That probably sounds pushy, but that is the sentiment of a lot of ladies I know.)

Now, if one of us makes enough money to stay home full-time the chore responsibilities will shift – but only to create equality. I will not cook dinner every night after coming home from a long day at the office like my mother did. I will not change all of the baby diapers by my self. I will not be the only person in the relationship – otherwise, why bother being in a relationship in the first place.

Hey I’d love to be a house wife, but I’m not going to be a house wife with a career as well.

What do you say ladies? Should we demand equality or what?

Equal pay, equal emotional investment and equal housework!

I’m going to be single forever, aren’t I?

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