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The Screen-Saver of My Mind

February 29, 2008
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“Head under water, And they tell me to breathe easy for a while.
The breathing gets harder, even I know that.”

Ah! Not again. I have had this song stuck in my head for like a month. Seriously, every time my brain starts to coast I start humming it. It’s like the screen-saver in my brain.

“You made room for me but it’s too soon to see, If I’m happy in your hands.
I’m unusually hard to hold on to.”

And then I’m humming.

It’s not even like it’s the best song I’ve ever heard. But for some reason it’s so dang catchy. I guess I should be glad that I don’t have “Here I go Again” stuck in my head, because Eric – the self-proclaimed music snob that sits near me – really hates anything associate with hair bands. And I think he might hit me if I start humming that. And then…

“I’m not gonna write you a love song,
‘Cause you asked for it,
‘Cause you need one, you see.”

And then I’m humming.

Parts of my job don’t require the verbal portions of my brain. Which means I’m able to talk on the phone or to a co-worker or just daydream while I do them. So, every now and then I’ll be toning a photo or organizing files and then I just start…

“I’m not gonna write you a love song,
‘Cause you tell me it’s,
Make or breaking this.
If you’re on your way,
I’m not gonna write you to stay.
If all you have is leaving,
I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today.
Today.”

I just start humming.

And every now and then, when I’m writing a story, I have a hard time thinking about how to start the next sentence. If I start to space for even a second…

“Blank stares at blank pages.
No easy way to say this.
You mean well, but you make this hard on me.”

And then I’m humming.

And I have a habit of humming or singing anyway. Ask Dee about it. When I’m getting ready in the morning sometimes she can hear me through her apartment walls. Lately she hears a lot of:

“I learned the hard way,
That they all say things you want to hear.
My heavy heart sinks deep down under you,
And your twisted words, your help just hurts.
You are not what I thought you were.
Hello to high and dry.”

I also hum or sing when I leave the office to move my car. And I move my car at least three times a day,

“Convinced me to please you.
Made me think that I need this too.
I’m trying to let you hear me as I am.”

Yeah, it’s a good song, but it gets annoying doesn’t it?

“I’m not gonna write you a love song,
‘Cause you asked for it,
‘Cause you need one, you see.”

Isn’t it weird how some songs get stuck in your head for days and others you can’t even remember all the words to?

“I’m not gonna write you a love song,
‘Cause you tell me it’s,
Make or breaking this.
If you’re on your way,
I’m not gonna write you to stay.
If all you have is leaving,
I’m gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today.”

And at night, when I’m walking into my apartment, I’m usually singing something. Cassie’s boyfriend always used to be standing outside her apartment having a cigarette and he’d catch me singing. If I saw him nowadays he’d hear…

“Promise me you’ll leave the light on,
To help me see with daylight, my guide, gone.
‘Cause I believe there’s a way you can love me because I say,”

I might really need a good dose of karaoke night so that I can get this song out of my system.

“I won’t write you a love song,
‘Cause you asked for it,
‘Cause you need one you see.”

Maybe I just really like this song because there’s no way I could write a song – let alone a love song – even if I had a hundred years to try to do it.

“I’m not gonna write you a love song,”
‘Cause you tell me it’s make or breaking this.
Is that why you wanted a love song,
‘Cause you asked for it,
‘Cause you need one you see.”

Plus, I don’t have anyone to write a love song for anyway.

“I’m not gonna write you a love song,
‘Cause you tell me it’s make or breaking this.
If you’re on your way,
I’m not gonna write you to stay.”

But I can still identify with the sentiments in it.

“If your heart is nowhere in it,
I don’t want it for a minute.
Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas
when I believe that there’s a reason to,
Write you a love song today.
Today.”

Whew, I don’t know about you, but for some reason I feel alot better now.

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