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Holy Creepy-Stranger, Batman

March 25, 2008

“hey u r cute, wantd u 2 know, how’s it goig?”

Have you ever gotten a message like this from a MySpacer you’ve never met who doesn’t even have a photo on their account? I get one like once a week. How freaking creepy and stupid can you get? Well, it can get worse.

Sometimes I’ll click through to the guy’s page to see if maybe there’s a clue as to whether I know the guy. Usually I find scantily clad women on their MySpace backgrounds and everyone on their friends list is a girl – many of them scantily-clad as well.

When this happens I usually let the guy have it — with both barrels.

It happened again today, and I am livid. I let that creepy guy have it, but I am so upset that I am afraid I will loose my venom on the next person who speaks to me if I don’t do something about it. So this is what I’m going to do. I am writing a cautionary blog to all you creepy, stupid predatory guys out there. (And all the rest of you gentlemen can take this as a kudos from me — you ladies can just tell me if I’m overreacting.)

First of all, this is not a cell phone, knock off the text-message short-hand crap. We aren’t friends, don’t text me via e-mail. Oh, and learn to spell if you are going to e-mail me, I’m a newspaper editor for goodness sake.

Now, if you really want a woman to respond to you, variations of, “You’re cute,” or “We should talk some time.” Or some crap like, “What’s up” or “how are you doing?” is far too vague.

If you’re going to e-mail a woman you have to include something that will illicit a response of some sort. Don’t send vague questions like, “how are you doing?” In fact, any question that can be answered with one word is probably a stupid question — and an especially stupid question to ask a stranger.

Vague questions result in vague answers. Duh.

Now fellas, some basic profile tips.

If you have a picture of a half naked woman anywhere on your MySpace profile, classy women like me WILL NOT TALK TO YOU! You may get responses from ladies with low self-esteem or some hot women who think that all they have going for them is their looks. But smart girls and ladies who want to be desired for more than their boob size will never respond to you — unless it’s just to loose their venom on you about how you objectify women on your page.

Yeah I’ve done that before…a couple of times.

Also, if you don’t have a photo of your face set as your primary photo it looks like you’re hiding something and comes off as creepy. Really creepy — predatory even. In fact, no matter how great the rest of your profile is, if you have a photo of a hummingbird or some crazy anime character as your primary photo you will creep us ladies out.

Now, while we do want your primary photo to be a photo of you, we don’t want it to be of your pecks or your 6-pack or your biceps. We want to see your face.

Furthermore, when you post photos of yourself shirtless, all oiled up and flexing in your boxer shorts it just screams that you are a shallow man with inadequacy issues who determines a person’s worth by the way he/she looks. I mean I’m happy for you that you have a lot of extra time to do push-ups and sit-ups, but please spare me having to be involved in your worship of your own body — at least until I’ve met you in person.

Now this isn’t the same as having a photo of you at the beach or playing volleyball at a barbecue or something like that. We ladies can tell if your friends were just taking your picture at a group event, or if you think you’ll catch a gal by showing off your bod.

I know harsh, right? Well, feel free to comment about it all you want.

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