No That’s Entertainment!
“Everyone makes their own fun. If you don’t make it yourself it ain’t fun, its entertainment.” — State and Main
As of April 21, 2008 I have been officially promoted to be the first Entertainment Editor at the Rapid City Journal. Anyone who has asked me, “So, what’s your dream job?” anytime in the past 10 years knows that I have been dreaming of this for a long time. And now, after all my dreaming, after all my training, after all my striving for such a position I am totally freaking out!
Yes, I’m freaked. My particular style of “freaking out” is rather mild and not too obvious to outsiders. I have maintained my cool in most conversations about the change, although I can feel my temperature going up during such talks. The only thing that might be obvious to an outsider is the fact that I pause when such things come up.
Furthermore, the “freak out” is caused by many things. First of all, I have always imagined myself as an entertainment editor in this far-off place in my mind. It was like I never really expected it to happen and I always expected it to happen somewhere in the distant future and probably a distant town.
I got older, I got more experienced and in reality I was getting closer to the position. But in my mind I wasn’t getting any closer to becoming an entertainment editor.
Part of me also always saw it as a job I would do in another city. But I can’t afford to move – even if I am offered an amazing job in another city. So, that ruled that out.
Furthermore, until recently, the Journal didn’t have an entertainment editor. So being an entertainment editor in Rapid City was never a part of my imaginary dream job. If I went to a new town I was going to have to work my way up from the bottom – making the position even further out of reach.
It was a dream. It wasn’t attainable; it was just the carrot rigged up in front of the horse. I was never going to get a bite.
Furthermore, when the position opened up here at the Journal I was given the impression that someone else had already been chosen for the job. When I first mentioned that I might be interested I got some very negative responses. That made me think that maybe I wasn’t capable of doing the work required.
That dirty thing – doubt – attacked me.
I was suddenly certain that I couldn’t do the job.
I must have spent a month praying about whether I should apply for the position. During that month it became increasingly clear that the people I had assumed would apply for the job (and be considered over me) weren’t going to apply.
Then Sky called. We chatted briefly. He had good news and I missed him – the usual stuff. As he was getting off the phone I asked him if he thought I should apply for the job and he said, “Of course you should!” From then on he referred to me as the entertainment editor. The doubt started to fade.
Gotta love friends with that kind of faith in you, right?
Then I decided to talk to my boss about it. She seemed to be thrilled that I was interested. More fading.
So I got my resume together, had my interview and had to wait. (By the way, thanks to all of you who prayed and supported me while I waited. It was kind of excruciating not to know if I had the job.)
Then, joy of joys I was offered the job!
And again, the doubt.
But I said yes anyway. Now we’ll just see how I do.
The fact that the position hasn’t started yet is lending to my freak factor a bit currently, because it’s still so unreal. I will be doing my dream job in less than a month. It’s so unbelievable!
I can really imagine doing this job for the next ten years – well, if I’m getting paid enough that is.
It feels strange not to have a goal to strive for professionally. Maybe now I can concentrate on some of my personal goals. I might finally get into some kind of a rhythm with my laundry. Heck, I might be able to join a gym!
Or, maybe it’s time for a new dream.
What do you all think about dreams and goals? Do have them? Are your dreams things that you think are attainable?
Oh, and feel free to tell me what you think I should put in the new section. I’m going to have to fill 24 pages every week – and a website daily! Holy crap!