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Fat Jeans…

May 30, 2008

Right now I hate the United Way.

Today in my office – as in many other offices around the community – it is Jeans Day for United Way. That means we get to wear our jeans if we pay a dollar.

This morning I was thrilled at this idea – until I went through my jeans. All of them are either a size too big or a size too small. I tried on like 10 pairs this morning and I was starting to lose hope until I found a pair that (as I recall) stretched out over an entire size if I wore them for over an hour.

Last year at this time they were my fat jeans. So I decided I could endure one hour of discomfort while they stretched. It seemed like a good idea – and a better prospect than looking sloppy all day in a pair that was a size too large.

I’d like to stress the word ‘seemed.’

Now I’m just stressing seams because, as it turns out, my fat jeans are now my skinny jeans. That probably doesn’t make sense to some of you fellas out there. The long and the short of it – or maybe I should say wide and the short of it – is simply this: I’m too fat for my old fat jeans.

Not a horrific tragedy, but not good news either.

Stupid United Way.

Well, hopefully this can inspire rather than depress me. I did get some new exercise equipment this month. Anyway, I was just writing to lament my current constriction.

I swear I’m going to have a permanent mark around my waist after this!

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