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Hate the game…not the scorekeeper

July 6, 2008

Now, I’m not a huge sports fan. Watching or playing one game of sport will usually satisfy me for months. In fact, I think my last muddy, girls flag-football game might have been enough to keep me from desiring to play sports for the rest of my days.

After you’ve been tackled by a wide-receiver and had your shirt almost ripped off in front of the entire school you just don’t get a hankering to play football for a while — at least seven years. (And by you, I mean me.)

So, I re-iterate, I’m not what you’d call a sports fan. But sometimes I wish life were more like sports — especially relationships. I just wish there was a National Dating League and the NDL could be consulted about the official rules and regulations of “the Game.” I suppose that would only work if there were such a thing as sport dating.

Sports are so much easier than dating in some respects. Even if you aren’t athletic you at least know where you stand in a sports game. Down by twenty, ahead by one stroke, five yards to go…all that stuff.

There are buzzers to denote when the game begins and when the game ends. Plus, there’s usually a timer to let you know how much time you have left for the game. Heck, there’s even a clock in basketball and football to let you know how much time you have left to score!

But with relationships sometimes I can’t even tell if a guy is getting ready to pass me the ball or if he considers me third string and has me benched for the season. Big difference there. So, yeah “the Game” baffles me.

I wish it were all more like a game I sort of understand — Basketball. I really like basketball. I enjoy watching it and playing it a lot more than other sports, and I’m pretty sure that is because I understand the rules. When you play basketball you know when it’s your turn to make a move — if you have the ball it’s your turn.

In dating this is not always the case. For example. A guy may think that once he’s called a girl — even if he just left a message — the ball is now in her court. Not in girl land. In the world of women, ladies figure that a guy will keep calling if he wants to talk to her or see her. Many women actually have a three call rule. (They aren’t all aware that they abide by this rule but they play by it.)

The three call rule is, don’t call a guy back unless he’s called you three times. Of course many of these same women have a one-call rule as well. The one-call rule is that if he doesn’t call you back after you call him once forget about him.

I bet that right now a lot of you guys are thinking, “That’s confusing — and unfair!” Settle down fella. Hate the game, not the player. Definitely don’t hate me — I’m just the scorekeeper.

So, back to dating. Usually I can’t hear the buzzer and I don’t know who has the ball. No wonder I find myself losing at the game of love time after time.

To top it all off there are the unwritten rules and the rules that only the girls know or the rules that only the guys know. Plus the fact that boys and girls play by a different set of rules — but they won’t show each other their respective rule books.

Man, if only this whole dating game were actually played on a basketball court, or football field. Then you would know when you stepped over the line because all you would have to do is look down and sure enough your foot is out of bounds.

Or, if you’re in the big-leagues, you can always catch the instant replay. But if a girl has drawn a relationship boundary for herself a man may have no idea when or if he has violated a major league regulation by…say, not opening the door for her. Even though he doesn’t know and he will be severely penalized. He might even get thrown out of the game.

Plus, we aren’t all playing the same game — but we’re all on the same field. Some of us are playing the dating game, some of us the mating game and others the let’s-bump-uglies-with-as-many-random-strangers-as-possible game. No wonder so many people get hurt.

Can you imagine what would happen if masses of people were all trying to play football, baseball, basketball and volleyball all on the same field. What a mess! Talk about blood, sweat and tears. Ish!

Then of course there’s the issue of the dreaded friend zone. It’s like the relationship penalty box. But you don’t get to get back on the ice after three minutes. You could be stuck in that box for the rest of the game.

Man. How does anyone actually get together. I have so many married friends and I have to say, it is a total miracle that they made it all the way to the big show.

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