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Great Christopher’s Ghost

October 7, 2008

I have recently developed a theory that ex-boyfriends are like ghosts. Because of the mourning process that I have to go through to get over the death of a relationship, once I am over a guy he is like a ghost to me. That means that seeing one – or hearing from one – can cause quite a fright.

This week I heard a ghost – or rather, he e-mailed me. I wonder if he could just feel that I was over him. Or maybe he read my relationship status and realized that I have a new fella in my life.

Either way it is odd to think about him now. It strikes me as even stranger that I can e-mail him if I want – because he’s dead.

In my mind he doesn’t even exist most of the time. He’s no longer a man, he’s vapor.

The e-mail he sent me wasn’t of great significance, and the timing of it was probably of less significance – but it still strikes me as odd. So odd, in fact, that my subconscious has been talking to me about it almost every night since I got the stupid e-mail. Last night was a doosey. I dreamt that Chris was actually trying to win me back.

I still can’t bring myself to e-mail him back. I wonder if that’s why I’m having the dreams. But the thing is – I just don’t know what to say to him. I’m sure we’ve both said it all before and, honestly, unless we are going to get back together what’s the point of putting effort into the relationship.

I guess I’m not good with the ex thing for the most part. I do just fine with Sky – but I guess I never really buried him. The rest have scattered across the country and into the deeper parts of my memory – just like the ashes of a dead loved-one might scatter through the wind. Hence the ghost thing.

Maybe that’s why I freeze when I see one unexpectedly.

So, am I the only one who buries my dead boyfriends and relationships this way? Maybe I need a relationship exorcism for Christopher. Any ideas? Maybe I just need a good girls night now that Jackie is back in town – any takers?

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