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All the Maybes in the World

April 23, 2009

Well, I found out a few minutes ago that I will not be a finalist for one of this year’s Phillips Foundation Fellowships. I’m not really surprised. I mean the samples of my work that I sent were stories I wrote during the Stock Show for goodness sake.

So, maybe my sample writing wasn’t good enough.

Oh, and I found some glaring errors in the proposal paper after it had been sent. Maybe I should have worked on the application for more than one weekend before I applied. I wish I had thought of a topic sooner. Maybe then I could have sent in a better application.

I always seem to wait until the last minute. In fact, I almost didn’t apply for the fellowship in the first place because one of the questions on the application was: “Please list and books papers or articles that you have had published.”

Books, really?

Maybe I need to get a book published if I want to win a fellowship.

Yeah, I knew I couldn’t compete with people who have had books published, but I tried anyway. I’m not even sure why I tried except that I was really upset about my new schedule at work and I figured it was worth a shot. So, I took my shot.

Maybe I’m not a very good aim.

Like I said, I’m not surprised – I mean I can’t think of anything I would give me $50,000 dollars for – but I am disappointed. When I sent in the application I was actually full of hope. I though, maybe I can accomplish something that will effect change in my part of the country.

Maybe I could help solve the problem.

Maybe I could actually heal some of the racial tensions in the area.

Maybe I wouldn’t have to keep working nights.

Well, I haven’t given up hope or anything like that – I just don’t know what to hope for next.. I do think the concept of the piece was a good idea – in fact, maybe that was the best thing about it. So ,I think I will apply again next year.

Maybe I can still do some of those things?

Maybe I will propose the project as an investigative piece to my editor. Of course I won’t be able to do as through a job – especially if I have to be in the office to help at the copy desk every night.

But maybe…

Maybe the Phillips Foundation just wasn’t the right sponsor for the project. Maybe there is another group out there who would send me on an investigative adventure.


Maybe I’m not supposed to do the fellowship because something huge and amazing that I never expected is on the horizon.

Oh, maybe…

All these maybes. Maybe this, maybe that…maybe something worth hoping for.

Well, here’s hoping!

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