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My Hangover

June 2, 2009

Sometimes when I have a big cry right before bed I wake up feeling like I have a hangover in the morning. I’ll be dehydrated and achy. My eyes neck and head will hurt and I’m usually craving some sort of food.

My eyes are still puffy from all of the crying. I didn’t wear mascara today. In fact I look like I just had a cry a few minutes ago instead of a few hours ago.

I currently have a hangover from life. It’s getting better, but my body is still reminding me that stuff sucks. I ache everywhere, including my heart and head.

I’ve cried myself to sleep almost every night for the past couple weeks. I have also cried before going to work almost every day for the past couple of months.

This is an official bad patch.

After my talk with Daniel Wednesday night Savannah let me come over to her place, use up a significant amount of tissues and cry on both her couch and her cat. I cried in her new car a little bit too.

Does it amaze anyone else how much mucus your body can produce? Seriously I can’t believe there was room in my head for my brain before I blew my nose…ten times…at Savannah’s.

Yesterday was pretty good. I didn’t full-out cry. But I have been on the verge since Sunday. I led worship with him Sunday morning. We acted like virtual strangers. Every time I see him I want to run up to him, hug him and kiss his cheek.

I wonder how he’s doing. I wonder if he feels any better. I wonder if he has even applied for a job. I wonder if he misses me at all.

I’m afraid he’s starving, or that he has bought some rope…or a straight razor…or that he will just disappear and I’ll never see him again. But I’m also afraid for the next time I see him. What do I say to him? Should I say anything?

I hate this part. I hate that I am not fully open to give or receive romantic love because of him. I have to get over him first. DANG IT! I have to deal with this set-back before I can really be on the path I want to be on.

I wonder if having a hangover from life is like having a hangover from drinking – you just have to push through and it will eventually fade. Although, I would prefer to sleep it of, but something makes me think I would have to sleep for weeks!

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