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Starting Over…Yet Again

June 14, 2009

Okay, my personal project has gotten away from me. In the first week it was pretty easy to do the reading and the homework But this past week, although I read each chapter, I haven’t managed to finish any of the homework.

I might have to demote myself back to day Eight and really concentrate.

It’s really hard to do this personal work and all the work I am supposed to do at work. It’s also hard to do and still hang out with family and or friends.

Part of me feels like it will be like quitting or being lazy to go back and sort of start over, but part of me thinks it will not do any good to gloss over the book and not dig really deep.

Maybe I should just finish reading it at this point and then start over doing the daily homework when I get a group of people interested.

I have to admit, this “course” is helping me in a lot of ways already — even though I have been glossing over it a bit. Some of the things the book suggests are things that I made surte to do — or at least start doing — before Daniel showed up again.

I do feel that I am ready to be in a successful relationship, but I don’t know if I am over Daniel enough to start one yet.

Anyway, I don’t have anything insightful today, just trying to figure out what to do next and having no prominent pull in one direction or another. The other thing is, I don’t know if I have the capacity to the self-reflection required.

I mean I have no idea what my unconscious patterns are — I also don’t know who I might still need to forgive that I haven’t already dealt with. The lesson about old agreement really got me too. I don’t know if I have any agreements in my life. And believing stuff into happening — I only have believe that’s possible.

Anyway, then today’s lesson about childhood wounds didn’t resonate at all. I mean I know I have these wounds, but I think I might have already dealt with them. Could this just be diggin up things I have already mourned and buried?

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