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I’m Sorry…

June 20, 2009

Sometimes you just have to say, “I’m sorry.” Like, when you’re mean, or insensitive, or inconsiderate. Lately, apparently I have been a little bit of all of these things. Now, there are a lot of factors that have contributed to this less than stellar manifestation of my demeanor. But the bottom line is, no matter why it happened I have hurt some people’s feelings.

To top it off I have been cranky like this for several days; so, I will probably have to say sorry to quite a few people. I’ve never been very good at this. I’d rather pretend it didn’t happen and just look the other way. Especially if I was in the wrong – but almost more especially if I didn’t really do anything wrong.

And I have to admit, I feel a little justified for some of my recent (less-than-stellar) behavior. For example, I have a friend who is very frequently short with me and this week I simply responded in kind. Well, now she’s mad.

Also, I have been working too much and not sleeping enough, so I am overly emotional (a bit volatile) and I was curt with my darling Dee as a result. Which normally would not have been a big deal because she is very sweet and calm – but she was having a doosey of a day to start with. This equals Crystal did bad.

I might need a little time off from everyone for a few weeks. I’m thinking simplify: just work and life maintenance. With a little maintenance perhaps I won’t feel like my life is falling apart anymore.

I totally had a panic attack last night right before Shapeera’s wedding. I was shaking and crying and I don’t know why. I had a headache all day and for some reason the pressure of getting ready for the wedding and getting off to the hotel room to decorate it was more than I could take.

I cried in the shower big-time.

I need to just spend a few weeks crying this out. Crying over it until it’s clean – all those things. I don’t even know what’s wrong. But I am definitely experiencing some major anxiety about life. Every part of it.

But in the mean time, I’m just sorry.

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