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Get Over It

June 27, 2009

I hate this part. I’ve never been good at getting over a relationship or an ex-boyfriend. Usually the problem is me hanging on. White knuckles and bloody fingertips hanging on. Like fight to the death crap — even if I’m the one who is going to bleed.

I’m trying to do it differently this time. I’m trying to let go as completely and as quickly as possible. I didn’t even put up a fight when he broke it off. I cut him off pretty well and straight up told him that we couldn’t be friends.

The problem is, I miss him.

I miss calling him after I get off work to tell him about my bad day — days like yesterday. I miss his weird sense of humor. I miss the smell of coffee in my apartment. I miss his hands on my hips when I’m cooking.

And the thing is, I don’t just miss having a man around. There are plenty of men around. Plenty of stupid men. To top it all off, when I go on dates I would rather be spending time with him.

I wanted to call him like ten times in the past week.

How do you do this? How do I do this? Seriously how do you get over someone. I want to get this part over with so that I’m ready to fall in love again. But I don’t want to fall in love with some asshole who will say he loves me but that that is just isn’t enough.

I love you, just not enough to do the work that it takes. And it is a lot of work — I’m a lot of work. But I’m worth it. And it is worth it to get over this guy. But I just don’t know how to do it. And I’m still crying about it (or something that feels like it) every day.

My counselor said I need to mourn the loss.

Again — how?

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