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Who’s the Biggest Loser?

October 3, 2009

In response to one of my recent blogs my (married) friend David said this: “Men have everything to lose, by being in a committed relationship, and it’s your job to snag them before they realize the full extent of the freedom loss.”

I was initially befuddled. I can’t think of anything but gains for both parties in a committed relationship. Luckily for me (please note the sarcasm), David also added this link, to explain this position: http://www.manolith.com/2009/09/29/men-and-relationships/.

Now, I could probably address each of the points made by the immature fellows who wrote the Manolith blog, but I can’t bring myself to dignify it with that thorough of a response. Overall, however, I will say some of the ‘losses’ mentioned are things women give up to be in a relationship as well. And, many of these perceived losses are just a matter of growing up.

It has me almost enraged. What is with all these man-children everywhere who absolutely shrink at the idea of responsibility? I’d really like to meet a guy who is actually an adult this time. He doesn’t have to be stodgy, stoic and no fun. Just responsible.

He can buy some toys – but he has to pay his rent first. He can still go out with the guys – but he has to go out with me too. (And I don’t think I have ever forced a guy to hang out with me and my best friend against his will to listen to us gossip.) He can still have a flexible schedule – he just has to let me know if we have something planned and plans have changed.

This blog has me very frustrated at the prospect of dating again. Do men really hate women this much and only tolerate us because we have boobs that they want to touch?

Now, onto the deeper issues at hand. So what if you have to lose something to be in a committed relationship. Some things are mutually exclusive. Like walking and flying. You have to give up the ground if you want to soar.

Furthermore, things worth having are usually things you have to pay (or fight) for. So, what are you willing to sacrifice for a deep, enduring, soul-connection? Why wouldn’t you give up a little freedom for that? If that’s what it costs, sign me up.

In a general sense – as far as ultimate truth is concerned – the whole idea of this article hurts me. It’s about what women take from men in a committed relationship. And the reason I want to be in a committed relationship is because I have a lot that I want to give to another person. I am a great woman, a great girlfriend and I will be a great wife. Not perfect, but great.

I feel like a major paradigm shift needs to be made and people who feel a bit stifled in their committed relationships – perhaps like their freedom has been squelched – those people should focus on what is gained from such a situation.

Gains like, someone who will hold you when you cry; or someone to rub your shoulders on a semi-regular basis; or someone to laugh at your jokes; or someone who knows what you like and tries to give it to you – can I get a shout out for raspberry truffles? Holla!

Now, of course I want to know what all of you think – otherwise I wouldn’t have posted this in a blog.

So, what do you guys think of the Manolith blog? What do you think people give up to be in committed relationships? What do you think they gain? What are you willing to sacrifice for such a union? And, to my married friends…please chime in. I want to know what you have gained from being married. Married love is my favorite after all.

P.S. I just HAVE to include this. Studies have shown that people in committed relationships (even people who have been married for 20 years) have more sex than singles who are looking for sex. So, the truth is, if you want more sex get married. So, if you want to get lucky on a regular basis get married and stay home!

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