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Thirty and Flirty

November 4, 2009

So, as some of you know, I originally had a big deal planned for my birthday. I wanted to gather together a bunch of my girlfriends, from my oldest friendships and reconnect with these special women. I had the idea at my friend Shapeera’s wedding — the last time I got to see some of these great ladies.

I found myself jealous of Shapeera. Not because she was getting married, but because these women I love had come to town just for her.

That’s when I realized that was what I want for my birthday — I wanted these friends to come see me. To commemorate my life with friendship — even though I wasn’t getting married or having a baby (or any of the other life changes our culture celebrates for women).

I also wanted to lay down a milestone, an emotional marker. Really examine my life and celebrate it. I really haven’t done that before. Not for my birthday anyway. I have enjoyed my life and tried to do that whole ‘live life to full’ thing, but celebrate my life for my self — not so much.

Unfortunately, the plans all fell through. I was sad at first, but I’m fine now. Just a little disappointed. My original response after my plans fell apart was to just ignore my birthday like I normally do.

Of course I’m still willing to accept any presents you all want to give me in to form of money, jewelry or … whatever. In grand “Spins” family fashion my mom and a few others will be feeding me. Of course.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about it as this day approached and I do still want to lay down a milestone — something to look back on fondly. Maybe even create a birthday ritual for myself. Maybe I can devise some special way to bury my 20s and celebrate the things ahead of me in my 30s. Like a funeral and a wedding for myself all in one.

Hummm…maybe with some chocolate cake.

One of the problems with that idea is I’m scared of some of the things ahead of me — and those are only the things I know about. I’m going to have to leave my hometown behind soon, and I know it will be rare to get to come back to it. Leaving will also mean leaving friends and family behind. I know there are new friends out there, and that big things are worth making sacrifices for, but the sacrifices still hurt.

Especially, because I’m not completely sure what they will be replaced with. So, those are some of the things on my mind as I enter my 30s. Celebrating and burying the past, looking forward with hope to the future and trying to retain the courage to reach for the things I dream of.

Holy trite line, Batman. Well, I guess some things are cliché because they are true, Robin.

I propose a toast!

Here’s to being thirty and flirty and as brave and as true as possible…and maybe doing it with cake.

*Clink*

Cue birthday music! Oh, and I guess you can send in the cake.

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