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Fat girls need love too

December 7, 2009

I really don’t have much to say today (at least nothing that I’ve thought through enough to publish) except that I lost 5 pounds.

Yuppers, when I bought the ticket to Texas I also started a new diet.

Well the trip might not be happening, but I have stuck to the diet. And, so far, I’ve lost between 5 and 10 pounds. (I don’t really trust my scale).

So, I suck at this. The first week was mental preparation. Last week I started the traditional diet part and I had planned on adding an exercise portion to the whole thing this week. But, so far not so good.

Depression, confusion and frustration sort of sap your energy. Or, I should say my energy. Okay that’s not the best excuse. But I am reminded of that scene from When Harry Met Sally when he said, “That’s the good thing about depression, at least you get your rest.”

I laid on my parent’s couch for most of the day yesterday.

I almost cancelled the ticket today. But then I didn’t. Should I go to Texas anyway? I mean…no. That would be silly. But it feels like such a waste to spend an extra $200 to switch the stinkin’ thing. I just can’t seem to make a decision. Honestly, I can’t afford to change the ticket to anything else in time for the vacation time I have had approved. So, it’s go, or cancel it. Crap.

The schools in Tennessee, Texas and Washington all sent me application stuff last week. I think I am just going to apply to everything and then visit. Wait…no I’m not. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I haven’t even taken the GRE yet. Man I feel like I am so behind on life.

I can’t stop thinking crap like, “If I go to Austin and Blake is still there (or WSU and Blake is there) maybe we’ll have a shot.” Or, I think I have to go to Tenessee now because I don’t want to have the distraction of Blake there. And I wouldn’t want him thinking I picked the school because of him. And I don’t want to pick a school because of him if he isn’t my boyfriend. AH! How am I ever going to decide where to go to graduate school with those sorts of crazy ideas in my head?

Maybe this whole stupid thing was just to delay graduate school. For a while there I thought it was to get me to Texas. I was really starting to like that school. Grr. Decisions are the worst.

ALl I know is, I am going to stick to my diet. That’s the only decision I have been making well and on a regular basis — oh and for the right reasons — lately.

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