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Psychoanalysis

January 13, 2010

So, lately, I have been having what I can only classify as anxiety dreams. This entire week things have been on the verge of nightmare in my brain. Most of you know something about the zombie episodes that have been taking place in my head since the beginning of December (and, by the way, before that I had NEVER had a zombie dream in my life – I don’t even like or watch zombie movies.)

Last night I had a dream about being in a play and not knowing my part. I even missed part of a scene I was supposed to be in because I was in the hallway instead of on stage (the director had to read my lines from off stage). The show was a cross between “Hair” and a “Chorus Line” but with songs newly composed for the show – so of course I didn’t know the words or arrangements.

I had also begged the director before the show not to make me go on because I didn’t know what I was doing. We had cancelled (or I had missed) rehearsals and I knew I wasn’t ready to perform with the ensemble. We hadn’t even had a dress rehearsal!

But the show went on anyway, and I messed everything up. To top it off, everyone was mad at me for messing up – even though I had warned them that I didn’t know what I was doing. The show sucked, and it was all my fault – and then I woke up.

What is going on in my brain?

A few of the other scenarios my unconscious mind has put together in the last few weeks have been along the same lines. Like it’s the first day of school (college) and I can’t find my dorm room so I can’t move in. Or it’s time for the final of a class, but I missed the class all semester because I didn’t know I had the class or I couldn’t find the room.

A few of you helped me with some zombie psychoanalysis on Friday. Dylan’s theory was that I am being trained in my sleep so that I can survive the inevitable zombie apocalypse. Dave thought it might have something to do with former relationships and … well, I have no clue.

All I know is that these crazy dreams have been insanely detailed. I remember how my costume felt in the dream from last night and in the Zombie dream last Thursday night/Friday morning I actually remember pounding a chisel into the chest of one of the zombies – and it was a specific chisel!

It’s a chisel that my dad owns that I remember seeing him use as a paint scraper and to open and close paint cans while I was growing up. (Which is why I originally thought it was a paint scraper.)

Also, I kept waking up all night and then when I went back to sleep the dream just picked up where it left off! This has also never happened to me before.

The dream from Wednesday night/Thursday morning of last week was another school dream, but in this one I couldn’t manage to get to the cafeteria before they quit serving any of the meals. By the end of the dream I had convinced someone in the food-service portion of the school to let me get some food, but the different kinds of food kept touching each other on the plate and burning my hands. I also remember it tasted nasty when I finally got a bite because it was all mixed together.

What the … seriously what is my brain trying to tell me?

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