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Burying Blake

February 1, 2010

Okay, a few nights ago, I had dreams about my ex boyfriend all night long. In fact I’ve been missing him for the last week or so. There are a lot of contributing factors on this one.

First of all, due to a nasty prank I contacted Blake just to confirm that he wasn’t the one pulling the prank. He wasn’t, of course. Immature little girls are more the type to pull such a prank. I should have known.

I also should have known that it’s too early for contact with Blake – for any reason. Yeah it’s been a month and a half, but I fell really hard for this one…and he wasn’t around long enough for me to regain a rational hold on the situation. Nope, I was still in deep smit when he pulled the rug out from under me.

Note to self: talking to the ex is not safe.

Especially if he’s nice to you.

Especially if he reminds you of some of his better qualities.

Especially if he is actively getting his stuff together rather than having his life fall apart like you suspected (and maybe secretly hoped – yeah I’m a jerk, what?).

Damn.

So, there’s all of that. Two weeks ago – when the contact happened – I also had to work an insane amount of hours and I was very tired and emotional as a result. Adding ex boyfriends to that mix is a bad idea.

Adding potential boyfriends to such a mix isn’t such a hot idea either.

Yeah, I’m talking to some fellas. That’s what you do after a break up. You talk to some new folks and try a few things out.

Well, these new fellas had me missing Blake too. They just aren’t as exciting…or interesting…or smart…or sexy as Blake. In fact, it has me to the point that I don’t even want to bother with any of them. Thinking about it right now just makes me tired.

Whereas, the B-man always got me energized. I would stay up until insane hours of the night talking to him and then miraculously I wouldn’t be worthless at work the next day. Right now I can barely drag my silly butt out of bed after 9 hours of sleep.

I’m seriously on the verge of wearing out the sleep button my alarm clock – which I hate by the way. Stupid alarm clocks!

So, I’m not saying that Blake was absolutely the right guy for me, but he was close. And, I’m frustrated that I’m not over it yet.

Furthermore, if these new fellas in the mix are just making me miss my old fell they definitely aren’t the right guys for me. You have to date someone who is at least as good as your ex – hopefully better – otherwise it’s just a stupid waste of time, right?

I mean talk about not learning anything from what life throws at you.

Anyway, because I’m a doer I have decided to do something about this. I need some sort of ritual to emotionally bury Blake. A funeral for my brain and my heart, so that I don’t miss him. Something to keep him from being where my heart and brain go when I feel lonely or romantic or sexy. I just have to figure out how to do it.

I was thinking about posting some of the stuff I wrote right after he broke up with me. Just to get it all out into the Universe, out of my head and off of my hard drive. Maybe that’s the way to go. But then again, maybe that’s pathetic.

No matter what I’ll let you all know what I decide. And I’m open to any suggestions.

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