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Crystal and the Fat Man

June 7, 2010

So…I may have overreacted to the idea that I’m too fat to date. Now, I don’t think I’m all that fat. But I am overweight and maybe I am too fat to date. Not that I shouldn’t be allowed to date, but that my weight might be the thing keeping me from getting more dates. Even good-quality dates. And, if it is, maybe I should work to eliminate the hurdle.

Now I still stand by everything I have said in the past about the double-standards between women and men and weight. I also stand by the idea that a guy who wouldn’t want me like this isn’t for me – sort of.

The thing is, I have had a bit of a paradigm shift recently because this past month a man was pursuing me – a fat man. Now, I don’t mean just heavy. I mean fat. Like, judging from his Facebook photos this fella is borderline obese.

But I’m a good person, and I’m overweight too. So I can’t turn a guy down just because he’s heavy, right? Well, I still don’t know the answer to this question because he stopped pursuing me. My first impulse is no, I can’t. That’s impractical…and shallow…and mean.

And, I might have done it anyway.

Before I go on I should probably throw out a little background on myself and the fellas I’ve dated. Most of them have been tall, and thin with dark hair and blue eyes. Now there have been some exceptions and variations, but I am definitely primarily attracted to a type: tall, skinny and a little nerdy. Awkward even.

But those aren’t the only fellas I’ve been attracted to. They are just the ones I’m most instantly attracted to. And, luckily for me these types of guys have been attracted to me in return for the most part – otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to date them.

While this big man – we’ll call him Mark – was pursuing me I did some serious assessing of myself and what I’m attracted to because I don’t want to be shallow, impractical and mean. So I thought long and hard and honestly I can think of ten different guys that are a heavy who I find attractive. In fact, the last guy I kissed has a little belly on him – although I wouldn’t call him fat or even heavy.

But my point is, the skinny guys aren’t the only ones I find attractive. So, more self-examination. Is Mark just too fat? Is that it? And, if so, is that an okay line to draw? I mean in his photos he looks heavy enough that we are talking major health issues.

And, I found that the more he talked about sexy or flirty things the more repulsed I was. So he was fat enough to be repulsive to me. Like the idea of doing sexy stuff with him made me gag a little. He would suggest something that he meant to be sexy and I would have thoughts like, “I would have to move fat out of the way to do that to you. Gross.”

At which point I turned it all around on myself again. I know men don’t think that exact thought because I don’t have any fat folds so prominent that moving them out of the way would be necessary. But maybe guys are thinking some of the things I thought about Mark. He was great in almost every other way I learned about. But he was fat enough to turn me off.

And maybe that’s what it is with me. I’m fat enough that it turns men off. If I were thinner they might get really excited about kissing me, but at this size it makes them gag a little. Now I do think that’s a little crazy because, like I have said in previous posts, I’m not all that over weight. But I also don’t want to put anyone in the position I found myself in with Mark.

I mean what if the man of dreams said to me, “You’re amazing and wonderful and I am attracted to you in every way except for physically.” It seems to me like that would be a waste. Especially since I want to be thinner anyway. And because I will be healthier if I lose weight. I was wondering if I was going to have to say something of the sort to Mark. Tell him I think he’s great but I really can’t date him unless he loses 100 pounds. I’m sure that would have gone over well. (Please note the sarcasm.)

Even though I was shocked by the reversal, I actually felt relieved when he told me that he wasn’t interested in me any more because of some of my leisure activities. Although, because of that I still don’t know exactly how shallow, impractical and mean I am. But I’m sure something else will pop up to teach me that lesson soon.

One Comment leave one →
  1. June 8, 2010 4:59 pm

    Is it really being shallow if someone is too fat for your taste? Some people are just not attracted to larger people and some are not attracted to skinny people. I know that many men are programmed to like thin/skinny women, but if they are not attracted to curvy to fat women, is it really their fault that they were raised with almost everything they see and hear in the media telling them that skinny is good and that has influenced their tastes? I don't think I've ever known a man who said that he was attracted to a woman but consciously refused to date her because she was large(r). I'm sure it happens. I'm sure there are guys out there that won't date larger women because of what their friends might say. How sad that is too. I guess I'm proud to say that, for the most part, weight has never been an issue for me. I have yet to experience a scenario like you referenced in this blog so I can't say how I would handle a borderline obese woman. Time will tell.


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