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And … The Ex-Boyfriend wins!

June 17, 2010

So I was doing something a little shameful this afternoon — Facebook stalking. I know, I know better than to do something so foolish and potentially destructive. But, well I have no excuse really. However, I didn’t have much to do today and I was stuck here at lunch time — because I am still sans car — and an hour is a LONG time for lunch if you don’t go home.

I’m sure you can all figure out what this means — I looked at the pages of some exes. Including Christopher who is now happily married and has quite the shutterbug for a wife (they have TONS of pictures posted). At least I hope he’s happily married. Well, maybe I don’t. No, I do. I do.

I tried to find Daniel, but I think he must have blocked me from his page. Which, I must say, I find rather spiteful. But, I should have guessed as much. He won’t even respond to my messages attempting to get him the pictures I took of his son while they were here for Christmas in 2008. I guess I have to chalk it up to his loss.

I also looked at Blake’s page. I’ve actually done this a lot lately, even though I can’t see the majority of the content. Annoyingly, he’s been on my mind. In fact, ever since I’ve been considering going to Kansas for graduate school my writer’s brain has been authoring scenes pivoting around “what if we run into each other?” Granted, it’s a BIG stretch. I mean Lawrence is like an hour away from Washburn and even if we were in the same city we probably wouldn’t run into each other.

But the scenes still came out of my brain. Maybe I should have written them down. I’m sure they would be interesting fodder for a fiction tale someday. Well, basically, my has brain plotted out all the possibilities and all the emotional responses we each might have to one another. Of course shock and surprise were always elements of the tale.

Would he be happy to see me? Angry? Would he think I had followed him to Kansas? Would I think it? Would he remember that he had said “Maybe sometime in the future we can get back together” several times during our break up? Or would he respond with the same outrageous venom like he had when I last texted him?

Well, I never thought about running into him and his girlfriend.

That’s right, he has a girlfriend. And, I feel like that is the big “The End” to the Blake tale. Which strikes me as strange because it was already SO over. Of course, now I really don’t want to run into him EVER. For some reason being single and running into an ex who isn’t is demoralizing.

Even though all of this — you know, life — isn’t a competition, seeing an ex paired up feels so much like the ex has won…something. I wonder how long it will be until they are engaged — and then married. I’m sure that sounds silly, but it is my pattern after all. Or, I guess I should say, the pattern of my men. Almost every one of  them has asked the next girl to marry him.

Some of the girls said no, some of the couples didn’t make it all the way to the  altar. But, the guys all asked.

Anyway, he has a girlfriend. And I’m sure they’re happy. I hope so, in fact. But I also really hope that if Kansas is where I end up I don’t run into him — or them. Awkward.

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