A Promising Man…in the Kiddie Pool?
Honestly, I don’t have much to say today, or I would have said it already. I’ve been working my tail off at the office and I guess there is only so much my brain can do in a day because I have had nothing in my noggin in the PM for days — nothing worth blogging about anyway.
Let me think…
I have a crush on a boy. That’s new. It’s nothing big, and I have no idea how much promise there is in the mild affection I now have for him, but the existence of the promise is fun.
In that vein, I have been working through “Calling in the One” again for the past few weeks and I will be ready to start working through it again soon. Maybe this time I can get through it in one shot. Maybe I can even get a group together this time. How about it ladies? All you single girls want to manifest deep and powerful love in your lives? I’d love to help. In fact, it is seeming like I am pretty good at helping others in this way.
Unfortunately, I’m still sabotaging myself quite a bit. I’m full of bad self-talk that is short-circuiting the work I’ve been doing and I’m still scared to have a Blake happen again. And, after those comments from Daniel last week, I’m sort of scared of a Daniel happening again.
Although, I did get great things out of both of those relationships. The experiences opened me up to so much and I’ve been much improved as a person, as a woman — and I’m sure as a girlfriend — as a result of it all.
And I do want to be in love again — no matter how scared I am. And I suppose I want that even if it doesn’t last — but I always feel so foolish when it’s all over because I’m so “all in.” I mean I jump in with both feet and both hands and I just marvel in the emotion and magic of it all. Even if the guy is still just sticking his toe in the water.
Ah the wading pools of life. Did you know you can drown in just a tablespoon of water…
I just want a guy who’s all in. And I don’t mean all into me. I mean all in life’s deep end with both hands and both feet flailing — like me. I mean he has to be able to swim, of course and he can’t be just be hanging out in the deep end clinging to the side of pool. But he doesn’t have to be perfect. Red eyes from the chlorine and his nose a bit runny — that’s fine, as long as he’s really swimming.
There really must not be a lot of fellas jumping in. Maybe there aren’t even a lot of people jumping in. I feel like I know a lot of them. None of them are suitable partners for me, but I know them. (My Agape buds and great girlfriends for example.)
I wonder if this guy I’m crushing on a bit is actually even in the pool. Or if he’s a lifeguard who can’t swim (like Daniel) or hanging out in the kiddie pool (like Blake).
I guess I’ll see. Heck, he might not even like the water.