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A Promising Man…in the Kiddie Pool?

July 29, 2010

Honestly, I don’t have much to say today, or I would have said it already. I’ve been working my tail off at the office and I guess there is only so much my brain can do in a day because I have had nothing in my noggin in the PM for days — nothing worth blogging about anyway.

Let me think…

I have a crush on a boy. That’s new. It’s nothing big, and I have no idea how much promise there is in the mild affection I now have for him, but the existence of the promise is fun.

In that vein, I have been working through “Calling in the One” again for the past few weeks and I will be ready to start working through it again soon. Maybe this time I can get through it in one shot. Maybe I can even get a group together this time. How about it ladies? All you single girls want to manifest deep and powerful love in your lives? I’d love to help. In fact, it is seeming like I am pretty good at helping others in this way.

Unfortunately, I’m still sabotaging myself quite a bit. I’m full of bad self-talk that is short-circuiting the work I’ve been doing and I’m still scared to have a Blake happen again. And, after those comments from Daniel last week, I’m sort of scared of a Daniel happening again.

Although, I did get great things out of both of those relationships. The experiences opened me up to so much and I’ve been much improved as a person, as a woman — and I’m sure as a girlfriend — as a result of it all.

And I do want to be in love again — no matter how scared I am. And I suppose I want that even if it doesn’t last — but I always feel so foolish when it’s all over because I’m so “all in.” I mean I jump in with both feet and both hands and I just marvel in the emotion and magic of it all. Even if the guy is still just sticking his toe in the water.

Ah the wading pools of life. Did you know you can drown in just a tablespoon of water…

I just want a guy who’s all in. And I don’t mean all into me. I mean all in life’s deep end with both hands and both feet flailing — like me. I mean he has to be able to swim, of course and he can’t be just be hanging out in the deep end clinging to the side of pool. But he doesn’t have to be perfect. Red eyes from the chlorine and his nose a bit runny — that’s fine, as long as he’s really swimming.

There really must not be a lot of fellas jumping in. Maybe there aren’t even a lot of people jumping in. I feel like I know a lot of them. None of them are suitable partners for me, but I know them. (My Agape buds and great girlfriends for example.)

I wonder if this guy I’m crushing on a bit is actually even in the pool. Or if he’s a lifeguard who can’t swim (like Daniel) or hanging out in the kiddie pool (like Blake).

I guess I’ll see. Heck, he might not even like the water.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. July 29, 2010 9:20 pm

    Nice post, Crystal. Your writing style is lovely, honest and effortless. Very refreshing. A fun and heartfelt read.

    Listen, don’t you worry about these boys. All I can say about relationships is this: when you find someone who is right for you, suddenly love becomes the easiest thing in the world. As long as you stay open, stay true to yourself, you’ll find that “all in” guy who will jump in that pool, splash around and be excited as hell to be there with you. You’ll find him when you’re both ready. If you have the same spark your writing reveals, you’ll have no trouble keeping him.

    But I get it. Patience is the hard part. Hang in there.

    Thanks for reading 36×37 today. 🙂


  2. Jerrod permalink
    July 30, 2010 3:04 pm

    I know people say this all the time but you really need to try to quit worrying about these things and go with the flow, lol. Sorry, had to do it. It’s just that the more you think about it, the more you over-analyze things. Are you comfortable with who you are? Are you okay with being alone? Even if it’s for a year or more? I think that is an important thing. Be yourself and don’t try to impress anyone. Who you are should impress the right people and bring them to you. Or maybe I’m just dumb, lol.


    • July 30, 2010 4:57 pm

      I am comfortable with who I am and being a lone and I can handle being alone for several years if need be. But I’d rather be in a couple — but only if it is an amazing couple with a man who is my equal.I appreciate you saying that who I am should impress people. That’s very sweet. And I don’t think you’re dumb. I appreciate your comments!


  3. Daniel permalink
    July 30, 2010 6:50 pm

    One thing I realize already about you Crystal, is that you’re always taking something away from your experiences, be it good or bad. In that respect, there is nothing ‘foolish’ in your life. I like what you wrote above, about being a ‘couple’, an ‘amazing couple’ at that. It’s something that’s definitely worth searching for. In general, people say ‘the waiting’ is the hardest part. I digress. Not much happens while you’re waiting. Perhaps a walk through the city, a trip to your favorite book store, or a walk in the park. You never know what’s right around the corner.


    • July 30, 2010 8:10 pm

      Lately I’m actually having a great time waiting. I’ve been writing and reading — I plan to start exercising too…someday. Man, I hate to sweat!


  4. Daniel permalink
    July 30, 2010 8:29 pm

    Try putting on some ‘oldies’! 😉


  5. July 31, 2010 1:48 pm

    For my modest opinion (and it is modest, because I don’t really know you or the guys you are usually attracted to) you should do a little experiment.

    First of all, map the characteristics of the previous guys you have dated: their attitude, yow they pick their nose etc.
    Those the details that might help you to prevent future dissapointments with potential assh$les.
    Secondly, you should start aiming on average-geeks. The geek-o-meter is here:

    That means you should go for a sensitive but mature guy, who is friendly but not too popular (you don’t want someone who has too many ex-girlfriends who actually have remained friends and you want to be a herpes-and-HIV-free-girl), who is smart but not annoying (some guys do really love to hear themselves talk), and who doesn’t have a “thing” for anything (not a weirdo).

    And don’t judge a guy by his ugly shoes. When you will be a couple you can buy him a new pair.


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