Fat Girl on a Date
So there are a lot of things I’m confident about. I’m confident that I’m smart…that I’m funny and that I have a great pair of…er, eyes. For the most part I’m happy being me and I am think other folks are happy with me being me. I even think I’m pretty. I usually don’t feel like a fat girl.
And then I get asked on a date…by a nice man…who makes me laugh…who has never seen me in person.
Suddenly I’m thinking about what shirt I should wear, how my skin looks, how much make-up I should wear and, most of all, how I can possibly hide my fat stomach? Oooo…and my double-chin…
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t sit around obsessing about my weight or how I look. Heck I don’t even wear make-up most days. But, whether it’s the truth or not, I do feel like men (even nice men who aren’t particularly shallow) will reject me or accept me based on whether they like how I look. And I’m afraid they have to REALLY like how I look in order to accept me.
I also think that most men want a woman who is rail thin. In fact, this idea is reinforced in me constantly (maybe because I already think it’s true). I recently read an article about men’s values in relationships and about the only thing they are shallow about is how thin a woman is — and being heavy was pretty unforgivable according to the study.
So, anyway, I had a date planned for last night and as soon as the moment to meet was set I started freaking out about how I was going to look to this guy. He’s seen pictures of me. Even recent ones. (In fact, if he looked around much on my Facebook page he’s even seen embarrassing and unflattering ones.)
But I’m still afraid that how I look once we meet in person will be a large factor in determining whether he really cares to keep talking to me. And I’m great to talk to!
Our meeting was actually postponed, so I have a bit of a stay of execution. And while I was disappointed not to see him, I was (and am) a little relieved that he still hasn’t seen me.