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Sad Anniversarry

September 11, 2010
The World Trade Center, one of three sites on ...

Image via Wikipedia

 

I started the day asleep on in my parent’s basement. I had taken a semester off from school (undergrad) and I was waiting tables at night. I had stayed late the night before and cocktailed in the bar. After I got home from work I would often stay up and crochet until I could quiet my mind enough to sleep.     

When my mom called I was all tangled up in a blanket that was almost finished and a bunch of yarn. The planes had already hit both buildings and I had no idea. Mom had called me for an unrelated reason and then said, “Can you believe what’s going on?”     

“What do you mean?”     

“In New York, on the news.”     

That’s a weird question to ask I thought. And of course I had been asleep so I had no idea what she was talking about. I actually remember thinking that she was talking about something else — I don’t remember what though — and I started to remark on it as I untangled from the blanket and yarn (and from my half-asleep haze).     

“No, the planes, Crystal. That hit the World Trade Center.”     

“What? That’s crazy.”     

And it was crazy. I don’t remember a lot of details after that, but I do remember winding up upstairs and turning on the TV. It was already tuned to one of the news channels because that’s what mom and dad watch in the morning I guess. The first image I saw was the second plan crashing into the towers.     

I didn’t get dressed that day. I stayed in my pajamas on the edge of my dad’s recliner with a remote control in my hand watching the same loops and feeds for hours — just hoping for more news. I think I had the blanket I had been crocheting on my lap for most of the day. It was bright Red, Yellow and Blue. It was almost done.     

Image via Wikipedia

 

At first, of course, I was in shock. But after that wore off a bit and I realized it was true — that it was really happening and not just some far-fetched plot point in an action movie — I started wondering about the people who were there that day and hoping that the towers would somehow survive the crashes.     

At some point I talked to my dad too. He said something about the towers having been designed to withstand a plane crash.     

And then, the first tower fell.     

I don’t think I breathed again until the second one went down.     

I was not really coherent. Among all the horrible thoughts I thought that day I remember thinking, “And I never got to see the towers.”     

Since then, the whole thing has felt very unreal to me for the most part. Maybe because I was asleep when it actually happened. Maybe because I was alone most of the day when it happened. Maybe because my brain just can’t wrap itself around the type of blind hatred that it would take to do something like that to innocent civilians.     

Or to think that there are people out there who hate us just because we’re Americans. That they think we’re guilty and evil by virtue of where we were born, or our culture, or our success. Or just our blue eyes.     

No, my brain can’t process it at all. Not that I’ve tried. I’ve let it be this thing that happened far away and had nothing to do with me. Even though it’s about me as much as it is about the poor people who were just at work that day when a plane crashed on their desks.     

It makes me wonder things I don’t want to wonder about. So I don’t. Or, I haven’t.     

In a week, I’ll be in NYC. I’m sure I’ll see a ton of amazing things — including my great friend Tanya and her new baby. My passionate friend Sky and they life he has built out there. One of the sweetest girls I’ve ever met, Brianne, who has been compassionate enough to let me stay at her house even though we haven’t been able to stay in touch since high school. Hopefully I’ll get to see her sing. And maybe even my friend Donald’s fission-design studio.     

I want to see a Broadway play and the Statue of Liberty. I want to see the sign I helped build that hangs in Time Square. I want to see museums and people and Central Park.     

But I won’t see the towers. The thought still seems rather unreal. Especially today.     

I feel like crying. Maybe that’s why I don’t want to think about it. I don’t want to cry about it. Especially because I don’t understand it. So many have cried so much. And it still doesn’t make sense. I wonder if it ever will.     

My deepest Love goes out to all of you who lost something more than a tourist attraction on that day.    

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Eks permalink
    September 11, 2010 2:06 pm

    I was living in NY that day, worked nearby. I still remember. RIP

    Like

  2. September 12, 2010 4:21 pm

    I was only in kindergarten when they went down, but I remember seeing the first plane crash into it (while playing in the sandbox) and how chaotic the world seemed to get. Surprisingly schools did not close; I stayed until normal leaving hours since they didn’t want any children like me freaking out. It was horrible; a girl on my block was in it (she was in her 20s) and all of 58 RD stayed vigil. RIP. However, I do feel America and NY has grown from the experience; for example, we have homeland security. We have gotten smarter and better when it comes to safety — which is one positive outcome.

    I’m glad you posted this. It really does pay a tribute to those who lost their lives in 9/11/01 — however small the tribute may be. It also makes people out there feel better and that they are not alone in this country. Keep blogging!

    -Critic Monster

    Like

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