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Brain Soup

September 13, 2010

I haven’t felt well for the last few days and it has been the type of affliction that lands on one’s brain and marinates the organ until it is almost useless. Sleepy, soupy brain.

Brain soup — like on Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Oh wait, that was eyeballs wasn’t it?

No matter what they served at the Temple, I have brain soup today. And I have had it for several days.

And that means no blogs.

And that means no one looking at my blog.

And that means my fragile ego is sad and I start to panic that no one wants to read my stuff so I should just quit writing.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to say — I do. I’m just too tired to get it out of my brain and into my fingers and click it through to the keyboard and complete the process to post.

And I have a feeling that I’ll be blogging less in the near future as well. (Which means more sadness while no one is looking at my blog, boo hoo.) The thing is, I think I need to focus my energy on grad school apps. I have a few months left, but I feel so behind. Transcripts, GRE, application essays and I still haven’t really picked a program.

Do I want to be a novelist? A playwright? I screenwriter? Or should I go for literary non-fiction? I know I have at least one memoir in me.

Well, and one novel…and one play and at least one movie. In fact I’ve even gotten one of each out of me already. I wonder if there’s a program out there that would allow me to be that diverse. So far most of the programs I’ve found are focused on one of these to the exception of others.

Plus, do I want a limited residency program, or do I want to move away to do this? I was planning on moving. But the added comfort of being home rather than trying to make a new home while in school is appealing. Plus, have you seen my apartment? It’s adorable. And I hate to move.

“Everyone hates to move, Crystal.”

“But I really hate it — shut up!”

If I did stay, I wonder what would I be giving up. If I don’t go to school will I get the full experience? Meeting all the other writers in the program — working with them, helping them hone their craft and their pieces of art. A new adventure in a new place full of new everything. It’s exciting…and scary.

Man, there are so many choices. It’s always practically crippling for me to choose something — especially something this big. Too bad there aren’t like 3 schools that teach what I’m interested in and I could just apply to each one and be done — let the schools decide which one wants me.

All weekend I was joking that there needs to be a webs site called and you tell them what you’re looking for and they say, “All right this is the grad school for you!”

I guess the next step is picking a school and being sure that I want Creative Writing MFA with the novel track. I don’t want to just blindly apply. As per usual I see appeal in each option and I’m afraid of choosing wrong.

That’s what I call brain soup.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. September 13, 2010 2:05 pm

    Good luck with the MFA! Hope you’re feeling better by now


  2. Eks permalink
    September 13, 2010 2:45 pm

    Lol. I have been reading lol. Hang in there, soon you will be back to writing full time (all these applications and all) lol.
    Good luck on grad school. Here’s to future debt! Lol


    • September 13, 2010 3:48 pm

      I’ll drink to that (I’m sure I’ll drink to it frequently) Here’s to, the debt we accrue to follow our dreams. May the Universe honor our sacrifice!


  3. September 14, 2010 11:00 am

    I went to grad school for 6.5 years, got my PhD in microbiology, then… worked as a camp counselor at SeaWorld for a few years, played poker professionally for a year, and now I teach high school and have aspirations to do some freelance writing.

    I guess my point is… go wherever you think you’ll be happy, and don’t worry too much about the specific program.

    I don’t regret my time in grad school. I don’t look at it as pursuing something I didn’t end up wanting to do. I look at it as taking 6.5 years to figure out that what I didn’t want to do is research.

    For what it’s worth….


  4. September 15, 2010 6:16 am

    Good luck getting through all the applications! And don’t worry about your readers. If they are smart at all, they have a subscriptionto the blog or have you in their Google Readers (as I do) and will know when you post and come right back and read when you have time to focus on the blog. But I do have to say from your next post (I’m reading backwards), I’m desperate to hear an update on the love life! haha


  5. September 15, 2010 11:27 am

    haha..u r right..whenever I sit to write a blog ..first thing coming to my mind is how many will read it 🙂


  6. September 15, 2010 8:16 pm

    I’m reading, too! Don’t give up. It’s hard to build and sustain a blog. You have actual skill and creativity. Just stick with it!

    Love the idea. I think you’re on to something.


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