Brain soup — like on Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Oh wait, that was eyeballs wasn’t it?
No matter what they served at the Temple, I have brain soup today. And I have had it for several days.
And that means no blogs.
And that means no one looking at my blog.
And that means my fragile ego is sad and I start to panic that no one wants to read my stuff so I should just quit writing.
It’s not that I don’t have anything to say — I do. I’m just too tired to get it out of my brain and into my fingers and click it through to the keyboard and complete the process to post.
And I have a feeling that I’ll be blogging less in the near future as well. (Which means more sadness while no one is looking at my blog, boo hoo.) The thing is, I think I need to focus my energy on grad school apps. I have a few months left, but I feel so behind. Transcripts, GRE, application essays and I still haven’t really picked a program.
Do I want to be a novelist? A playwright? I screenwriter? Or should I go for literary non-fiction? I know I have at least one memoir in me.
Well, and one novel…and one play and at least one movie. In fact I’ve even gotten one of each out of me already. I wonder if there’s a program out there that would allow me to be that diverse. So far most of the programs I’ve found are focused on one of these to the exception of others.
Plus, do I want a limited residency program, or do I want to move away to do this? I was planning on moving. But the added comfort of being home rather than trying to make a new home while in school is appealing. Plus, have you seen my apartment? It’s adorable. And I hate to move.
“Everyone hates to move, Crystal.”
“But I really hate it — shut up!”
If I did stay, I wonder what would I be giving up. If I don’t go to school will I get the full experience? Meeting all the other writers in the program — working with them, helping them hone their craft and their pieces of art. A new adventure in a new place full of new everything. It’s exciting…and scary.
Man, there are so many choices. It’s always practically crippling for me to choose something — especially something this big. Too bad there aren’t like 3 schools that teach what I’m interested in and I could just apply to each one and be done — let the schools decide which one wants me.
All weekend I was joking that there needs to be a webs site called thegradschoolforyou.com and you tell them what you’re looking for and they say, “All right this is the grad school for you!”
I guess the next step is picking a school and being sure that I want Creative Writing MFA with the novel track. I don’t want to just blindly apply. As per usual I see appeal in each option and I’m afraid of choosing wrong.
That’s what I call brain soup.