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So…What Now?

November 30, 2010

So I got the letter over lunch. I didn’t get the job.
So I cried. Then I realized that I had to go back to work.
So I called a few restaurants. A couple are hiring.
So, I’m thinking about quitting. I’m thinking about waiting tables.

So I’m crying again.

So journalism isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.
So I’m not the girl for this profession.
So? I’ve known that for a while.
So what’s with all the tears?

I guess it’s just the ending.
It’s over, after years.

So I really feel like leaving.
So, I want to just be gone.
So…work, work, work.
So, who are you if you aren’t your job?

So I’m going to watch Forever Knight on Hulu.
So I’m going to eat Raviolios and drink Sprite
So, then I’ll go bed.
So that I can get up in the morning and go back to that job.

So I’ll probably cry again before I fall asleep.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Kris Frisk permalink
    November 30, 2010 11:02 pm

    Do you really not like it there this much?? 😦 I didn’t realize – – – I am sorry you are unhappy.


    • November 30, 2010 11:34 pm

      I think I’m just a little hungover from being worn out for so long. And I’m sure I’ll feel better about it in the morning.


  2. December 1, 2010 5:20 am

    don’t feel dejected sugar, setbacks are integral part of professional career. Maybe you need to take a break, and look around for a while. Because the direction you were heading all out won’t be good, and once you reach the peak you’ll realize “that’s not what I want”…
    So take a chill pill… along with the Raviolios & Sprite… BTW Chill pills have better effect when swallowed with healthy food… for example salads, juices, soups, rice & milk shakes…
    cheer up…


  3. December 1, 2010 6:49 am

    I’m sorry to hear you are struggling. I am feeling very similarly about my job. I’m not sure what the solution is… I guess my only advice (not that you asked for any) is to be careful with your decisions. You don’t want to do anything rash you may regret later. Other than that, it’s your life, live it how you will be most happy!


  4. dave c permalink
    December 1, 2010 7:47 am

    It sounds like you have a leach-job. It’s one of those things that you think, “yeah, but every job sucks.” … but then you quit, and you realize exactly what it was doing to you, by how much your life improves.


    • December 1, 2010 8:32 am

      Well…as soon as I had decided that I was fed up things got a little better — but, like I said to Kris, I’m still a little hung over from being so worn out for so long. In fact, it’s making me lazy.


  5. December 1, 2010 5:19 pm

    Hey Crystal
    I don’t blame you for being frustrated with a journalism job. The utter lack of integrity on the part of editors is daunting.

    You need to find a job that excites you and motivates you and makes you want to get up in the morning and go to work. I suggest taking the Strong Campbell Vocational Aptitude test to give you some appreciation for other jobs that you would be good at. You can take this test in almost any vocational counselors office.

    Blessings on you and yours
    John Wilder


    • December 1, 2010 9:55 pm

      Thanks for the suggestion. I googled the test…I’ll see if there’s a place locally that I can take the test. It’s gotta be worth the time it takes to fill out a few bubbles on a scan-tron form!


  6. December 2, 2010 5:04 am

    😦 it saddens me to see people sad …


  7. December 2, 2010 10:42 am

    Sorry if this sounds harsh, but why is it over? Why is this a permanent decision? Why isn’t this just a temporary hiccup?


    • December 2, 2010 11:21 am

      Nah…that doesn’t sound harsh. It sounds hopeful.

      And really, there’s no reason anything ever has to be permanent I guess. I mean not until you’re dead right?

      Journalism is the bad boyfriend that can’t break up with me. It isn’t what I thought it would be and it isn’t what I want, but I’m a make it work kind of gal. (Which is probably why I’m almost always the dumpee rather than the dumper in relationships).

      At first I wanted to write. But the demands of the news cycle made for bad work. So I tried designing. And I’m pretty great at that. But like many other parts of our culture news design has become so homogenized that designers aren’t really needed or valued anymore.

      And ever since the Rocky Mountain News closed I’ve been thinking it’s time to go. I’ve been feeling like we’re all on a sinking ship bailing furiously but no matter how hard we try we are still going down.

      And I’m looking into grad school. I’d like to be a professor. I’d like to be a writer. In order to move forward into that I will have to let go of the newspaper…this newspaper that I work at…eventually. And letting go is sad even if I find something great to hold it’s place.

      So why not let go now? Why wait until the week before I move away to go to grad school?
      The thing is, I’m not even doing the stuff I love about journalism anymore so maybe the uncomplicated life of a waitress is the way to go. And maybe I’ll even make more money than I’m making now. Just maybe.


  8. December 3, 2010 6:45 am

    Amen to the “bad boyfriend” analogy.

    I’ve been a journo since the 1970s, and my last staff job was the NY Daily News, 2005-6. Been there, did it. Took a PT retail job in 2007 which is the subject of my new book (see, things work out in surprising ways!) out April 2011 “Malled: My Unintentional Career in Retail” (Penguin/Portfolio.)

    One of the big insights I got from leaving journalism (even one night a week) was how much I hated certain aspects of it.That wasn’t news to me, but it was fascinating to watch how differently people behaved in my retail job, whether managers, customers or co-workers. It taught me a lot and made clearer to me that my frustrations within traditional journalism were/are very real. Only by stepping far away from its putative “glamour” could I see it more clearly.

    I hope you are feeling better and can soon find a way into something more satisfying!


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