So, the anxiety dreams are back.
I don’t know if it’s because I slept in a new bed last night — it was my new bed, not a sleepover, don’t get too excited — or if something else has me keyed up in some unnatural way but last night I found myself maneuvering irregular turning hallways and doors that led to dorm rooms, classrooms and closets (some even led out of the building and of course those locked behind me immediately).
What’s more, it was a somewhat familiar school. No, not SDSU. Although that would make some sense because I never learned the entire campus out there. It was far too huge and I spent most of my time in the YeHa. No, the school was Bartlesville. But It was completely different. Full of underground tunnels, trap doors and, even more oddly, people I went to school with around every few corners.
And of course I was running around the joint in my underwear — trying to get to my dorm room, but bumping into Amber Dunlap who responded with a sneer. A couple of ex-boyfriends were in the mix too. Come to think of it when I ran into him he wasn’t wearing his pants so maybe he was just having an anxiety dream last night too and we bumped into one another in dreamland.
Anyway, when I have dreams that are this vivid I always wonder if my psyche is trying to give me some sort of message. Maybe my relief over applying to all the schools has just worn off. Although I have been having a different kind of anxiety about grad school ever since I finished my applications. It’s something akin to how I felt after I graduated from college. I would get off work and have a moment when I was trying to assess what I should do for the rest of the night and i would think, “What homework do I need to do tonight.”
And I would realize that I didn’t have any. Of course at first I would feel amazing and free. But my brain was so used to me needing to do my homework that at different moments throughout the night I would start to feel guilty because I wasn’t doing my homework — even though I didn’t have any. Yeah. Well that’s happening again a little bit. Not as bad as it was right after grad, but at least once every night.
Well, I still don’t know what the dream was about. At least there weren’t any zombies in it this time.