Moonlight and Cereal
We had just finished having sex. He had insisted on lighting all the candles in my bedroom before we started. I think the candles helped – a little. I mean, it was nice, but I didn’t get to finish. I wish he could have gone for just one more minute.
He was propped up on one arm next to me in the bed. He was just looking at me. I was looking at the ceiling contemplating turning over and finishing things up myself. But he just kept looking at me. Ten seconds passed, then thirty. So I figured I should make conversation. I asked him about his love life.
“There’s someone, but she isn’t an adventure. You’re an adventure,” Jake said as he leaned down to kiss me.
“Ah, trying to domesticate you?” I responded as he was still hovering above me.
“Yeah. Exactly,” he said straightening up and looking down at me with a bit of surprise.
“She isn’t your girlfriend, is she?”
“No. Not really.”
“Do you love her?” I asked as I sighed with relief that he wasn’t cheating on her with me.
“I don’t know.”
“It’s worth committing to her to find out, isn’t it?”
“It always just turns into cereal. Into breakfast.”
“What?” Now I was propped on one elbow looking at him.
“It starts out with moonlight and it turns into breakfast. And breakfast is pretty dull.”
“I think I understand. But I don’t agree,” I said. “I like breakfast – especially if I get to share it.”
“I can’t imagine ever wanting someone around for breakfast.”
At that sentiment I (probably gave him a bit of a dirty look and) stopped trying to spur on conversation. But by then he was talking. He started explaining his theory about how at a certain point relationships stop being an adventure and he just gets bored. Which is why things with Miss Domestic were so on-again off-again. He basically needed to break up and then start all over with her.
I can’t believe she put up with that (she still does — I saw them out together 2 weeks ago).
Even though I wasn’t trying to make conversation anymore, I was still responsive to his conversation points. Maybe even a little challenging. But all I could think about were all the women he must have dropped because he ran out of “adventure.” Because he had conquered his conquest.
Ick. And this guy was laying in my bed.
As he talked I couldn’t help but get disgusted that he had the expectation of adventure twisted up in his ideas about love and relationships. I mean I need an adventure as much as the next person (as evidenced by my post on Friday). But that isn’t my lover’s responsibility. His concept of adventure seemed like too much to put into a relationship. Too much to put on the other person.
Can you imagine? “I’m sorry sweetie, but you just aren’t an adventure anymore.”
“Well, I wasn’t trying to be an adventure. I was trying to be a good girlfriend.”
Can you imagine all the drama that must have been in this guy’s most “successful” relationships? I’m sure he confused drama for adventure at least once based on the stories he had told me before this point.
Anyway, it really felt like he was saying that he would only be interested in a relationship as long as the other person entertained him. And he didn’t have an answer when I asked him what he did to try to keep things adventurous.
“Have you ever considered just going on an adventure together? Like white-water rafting or something?”
He thought that could maybe help, but really he just felt like the adventure always “petered out.”
I couldn’t help but think that what he really wanted was a conquest. And once he got to the top of the “mountain” he didn’t see the point in continuing. (By the way, I haven’t invited him over since that night.) This next bit will probably strike you as judgmental – because it is a little – but I think he needs other sources of adventure, if his idea of adventure is pure conquest. There are mountains – real mountains – everywhere that he can climb if he wants. Especially around here.
Then he can leave the expectation of adventure out of the realm of relationships and then the thing the “adventure” turns into can become deeper and more exciting (if you have a long enough attention span). The adventure of the initial rushes of attraction can deepen into LOVE. And this isn’t just wishful writing. I know; I’ve felt it. And when that happens the conquest can turn into a homestead.
And that’s when it can be exciting to share your breakfast. Bacon anyone?