Home and Alone-ly
So Tuesday night I got all of my work done before I left the school. I didn’t take home any papers to grade. Which is a good thing really. But it also sucked. Because I was home alone with nothing to do. Okay, not nothing. I have food in the fridge that I could cook up, or a closet that I could clean out. Or…well, I’m like any adult, I always have something I “could” do.
But I was overwhelmed with loneliness. I cuddled with my dog a little. I thought about what I could do, or how I could spend my time that would be more useful. I tried to find something on the TV to distract me. I even tried to talk to some strangers online — but all they wanted to talk about was sex and I so can’t deal with that right now.
As I wrote yesterday, “I guess what I’m saying is that I feel lonely without Rick around, and I’m not sure what to do about it. I want to really connect with other people on a deep level, but I’m not sure how to do that. At the very least, I’m out of practice. How do adults make new friends?”
And I want to fall in love again and stay that way. I want to commit to one another and create a life together. But where the heck am I going to meet a guy? (And every time I think about that, my brain still says to me: a guy like Rick.)
So, I have been thinking about my situation, and I sort of realized that it is going to take some major engineering in order for me to meet some new people and have some new experiences. I need to get out there somehow. And I think I need my friends to help.
I put a post on Facebook about it and I got some great responses.
“Okay everyone, Crystal needs some fun and some changes. If you haven’t seen me in a while and you miss me, or you never got to know me very well, but you would like to get to know me better I am open, ready and available for deeper friendships with all who want to try. I’m interested in new experiences and great times. Let’s have some fun.”
31 great responses to be exact. So I have some plans — that’s a start. Some social engineering for myself. I think I need to meet some new people. I know I want to reconnect with my old friends. I also want to find a way to enjoy my alone time again — rather than just wanting to have Rick around. And I used to enjoy my alone time a lot. I would take myself to movies, out to eat, all sorts of things.
So, of course, the big question is how. How can I invest in, and deepen, my current friendships? How can I create new ones? Seriously, how do adults become friends? I know a lot of folks meet people at work, but what if it doesn’t work out and then you have to see that person at work every day? Ick.
Well, I want to go new places with new people and make new friends. New friends who know amazing single guys that they can set me up with. Well, eventually. I am so not ready for that yet. And I don’t want to put myself in the position.
Tuesday night I got to go on a walk with a new friend who already feels like an old friend. Last night I got a good dose of healing at a prayer meeting, And tonight I’m taking care of myself by drying fruit and grading papers — and going to bed really early.
This weekend I have a breakfast with an old friend, plans to get my nails done, and a ladies night in the mix. And tomorrow night I’m making dinner for my parents. I’m pretty excited. Which reminds me, I had better go make sure my apartment is as clean as I’d like it for my parents to visit. Here I go.
And I’m interested in any ideas you all have for new experiences and new people. I think I’m still itching for a small dose of adventure.