What Would You Ask?
Today I have spent a significant amount of time watching Super Soul Sunday with Oprah. In one of the episodes Rainn Wilson asked her: “What one question would you ask God if you could?”
She asked “Why?” Like why all of this? “Why why why,” she said. Personally, when I hear people ask that question about existence or themselves I feel like I hear God whisper in my ear, “Why not?” And then give me a little nudge and have a giggle.
I had a little moment — like a look a person gives to a friend with whom one has an inside joke — with God. Sort of a take to the camera that says: We know why — because why not? And because you get to decide why. And I’ll back you up. It’s whyever you want, and I will help you make it mean that when you decide. Every time you decide. Even if you change your mind every time you decide.
I, me, it, we are conspiring for you, not against you. You’ve got this.
Then I started to think what would I ask God? What don’t I already know that would matter even a spec, if I were truly in the presence of a part of the Almighty that could answer back definitively? I thought it would be impossible to pick something to ask. And then suddenly a question flitted through my brain: “Am I doing this right?”
I just started bawling. I guess that’s my question if I were going to ask today.
I just cried. I let it all out before I tried to think about it, or look at the idea, or ask myself where it was coming from.
Why would I wonder that? I must be afraid that I’m doing something wrong. Or not “right” ― not perfect. And I know that I am doing well. Great in fact. But not perfect. Aw, shit! I guess my old bad habit of perfectionism persists, despite how much work I have done. Which usually means I just need to forgive myself. For today, for yesterday, for the things I didn’t plan about tomorrow.
If I could do better I would. And in the past I have done my best. If I could have done better I would have. Great life truths I didn’t realize I learned from Maya Angelou (because I actually heard Oprah say it):
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better I do better.” ― Maya Angelou (GoodReads.com and Oprah on Super Soul Sunday)
Which actually leads back to something else I already know, something that one of my spiritual leaders once told me: If you can ask the question, you already have at least part of the answer growing within you.
So, Am I doing this right?
So what part of this answer do I already know?
Maybe it’s like a cartwheel. You’re doing it right even when you’re doing it wrong, because doing bad cartwheels is how you learn to do perfect ones. And hey, I’ve been wanting to do cartwheels lately. Who wants to roll with me?